


The Goddess and The Wolf

by thedasAngels



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Modern Girl in Thedas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-08-20 20:50:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20234179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedasAngels/pseuds/thedasAngels
Summary: A goddess, now a simple mage equipped with the knowledge of the past and the future of Thedas, accidentally fell in this realm.Will she be able to help everyone? Can she stop herself from falling in love with the Dread Wolf? Can she save him from himself?





	1. And she met him...

**Author's Note:**

> All characters are owned by Bioware except Arwen.
> 
> Some of the script are mostly not in the game and some are.
> 
> I just can't keep this story without being written. This plagued my dream for almost a week already. I'm not sure if the grammar and tenses are correct. I apologize in advance.

It’s been a year since I was dumped here in Thedas. For everyone’s information, I came from a lineage not too far from Ancient Elvhen and was considered in our world a Goddess. I was living a normal life. Talking and interacting to regular people – that was my everyday life. But one day, while I was wondering the woods around my house and testing my abilities to travel to different realms, a green tear popped out of nowhere and surprise, surprise – I was in Thedas in an instant. For a not so popular Goddess back in my world, I was very observant of what was happening to different worlds. You might say, I can travel to different realms, but I never attempted to do it. Also, somewhat I got the ability of my mother to see into the past and future. And so when I opened my eyes in wonderful landscape of Thedas, ( I think it was the Emerald Graves, where I fell) memories of the place came flooding to my mind. I blacked out of course. That too much information was overwhelming that my brain can’t keep up. After taking a few deep breaths, I felt myself absorbing the nature’s power. I think Thedas itself wants me to take whatever power or pure essence it has left. Saying that I’ll be okay. I discovered that I had newfound abilities the same to those who belonged to Arlathan.

While wandering the forest of the emerald graves, I stumbled to different animals and plants. I was in awe of how tall the trees are and how green are the leaves. I also saw some of the ruins of the great Arlathan and felt as if my heart was breaking. I left the ruins and saw people gathering in a place. There I first saw a camp with an Inquisition banner. _How do I know that?_ As I search for the memory of it in my head, yes. I think they already secured this part of Thedas.

** _A year ago…_ **

Knowing all the important people currently present in Haven was to my advantage. First, I went to a scout and asked for someone that will hire me as a bard of sorts. Then, I was directed to talk to Leliana – the spymaster of the newly established Inquisition. I know this will be a tough fight with the so-called left hand of the divine, but I have to take my chances to survive here in this place.

**“Sister Nightingale?”** I called not far from her tent. She eyed me curiously and dismissed her scouts.

**“Yes. What can I help you, bard?”** I was surprised that she knew what I was capable to do. I looked at her and trying to put some words into my mouth when she walked towards me. I backed away instinctively and she stopped midway.

**“How----??? How did you???” **

**“Are you not a bard? Just looking with the clothing and instruments you have at your back; I know you are one but what kind?”** I gulped and trying to calm myself and taking deep breaths I finally found my voice.

**“Yes. Indeed. I was directed here by one of your scouts, which I don’t know who is, but yes here I am.”** I tried to look confident in my speech, but it seems I just can’t. The looks she’s giving were very intimidating. _If looks could kill._ I thought to myself.

She was just looking at me and waiting for me to finish my speech. Then I looked her in the eyes and finally found some courage to talk to her. There’s no point about lying to this woman. I just must show her what am I.

**“There’s no way to explain who I am without showing you something otherworldy. Perhaps, we could talk in private?”** I said to her and she nodded. I sighed very deep because of the relief I felt when she agreed. She led me to the dungeon of the chantry and there I try to compose myself.

**“What is it then that you want to show me?”** she asked but I know a knife was already waiting for my throat to be sliced whenever I attempted something she didn’t like.

**“All right. But please will you promise to not kill me, I’m just here to help?”**

She just nodded. She stayed far away from me. I positioned myself in the center of the dungeon and started to turn myself to my original form.

As I looked at her, she was in awe with what she was seeing right now.

**“Are you----Are you Andraste???”** she asked me.

**“Ughh..this is hard to explain. I am what you call a goddess but not from this world. Do I really look like Andraste?”**

She just nodded.

**“I---that is terrifying…I didn’t know someone from other realm will look like me. I mean what are the chances right?”** and now I’m talking to myself. I looked at her again, but I saw her kneeling in front me.

**“No..No…No…stand up..don’t kneel. Please.”** I dropped a hand in her shoulders and guided her to stand up.

**“Leliana, please. Just don’t do that.”**

**“How did you know who I was?”**

**“Ughh…that is one I can explain really. To start with I know what will happen to your world. It’s an accident really. I was trying my ability to travel different realms and here I am. Would you believe me if I told you I’m a seer?”**

She just nodded.

**“Leliana, please talk. I’m not a god here in Thedas. In my world? Yes. But here, I think I’m just a normal mage with some extraordinary abilities.”** I sighed and wanted to cry because, yes, I’m a goddess and immortal. But it was before and jumping to this realm just made me a mortal mage. I will die.

**“Leliana?”** I called to her.

**“I---- it’s just overwhelming knowing that you are from a different world and why approach me? what if I didn’t believe you? All of this?”**

**“It’s a gamble in my part. I knew who you are. And despite that cold personality, I know deep down there,”** I pointed to her heart. **“There’s still warmth and an understanding person. I wanted to believe that what’s about to happen here in Thedas is just a dream, a story to me. But meeting you and seeing how people walk around outside of this chantry. The cold breeze touching my skin, it felt like I was experiencing life for the first time in my lifetime. Yes, I was goddess. Yes, I was immortal. But here, I’m just bard. I do love singing and dancing. Most of all I want everyone here to smile and be happy despite what happened to the conclave.”** I paused for a while and looked at her again. I grabbed her hand. Let my inner self flow thru our hands. The warmth and love I feel for this realm’s people were overwhelming. I know what will happen, but I have to stay quiet about it for the fear of changing events.

She looked at me with teary eyes. And I wanted to hug her. I really do. But before I went for a hug, she just dived into it. I returned the gesture and reassured her that everything will be alright.

**“Leliana, I know what happened to the divine devastated every inch of your being, but I know that happened for a reason. I don’t know why I’m here, but I will help this Inquisition of yours to succeed its goal. I will be here every step of the way.”**

After some time, she collected herself and smiled at me.

**“Are you sure you want my help? Do you believe everything I’ve said?”** I asked her.

**“As you have said, everything happens for a reason. And with you being here in Thedas is a part of it. So how should we approach the events to happen?”**

I smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

**“I can’t stay here looking like this. I’ll ask again. Do I really look like Andraste?”**

“**Yes. You are a spitting image of Her. And yes, you can’t look like that here. Especially when meeting the other members of the Inquisition. Can you transform like one of my scouts?”**

**“oh... yes... I can…wait…”** I willed my magic to transform my body like one of her scouts.

**“Yes, this look will be fine. How about meeting the others?”**

**“About that, can it just be you who knows who I am? besides if I’m to be your scout, I don’t have to meet the others. Besides I don’t know how to fight in close quarters. I’m a mage you know. But mostly I want to spend my time singing and dancing with everyone. Is that all right?”**

**“Of course. But how will we communicate?”**

**“Here.”** I gave her a crystal that will be our way of communication. **“It’s like of those Tevinter crystals. I can talk to you even from afar.”**

**“Thank you. And I would like to proceed with what you planned you are doing. Be a bard, an entertainer to be precise.”**

**“Sure. As soon as we are finished here, then I can go to the tavern or, wait can I go outside the gates? I plan to do something near the lake. Or perhaps on the lake.”** I suggested to her since I don’t want to take away the job of Maryden in the tavern.

**“Are you sure? My scouts will watch from afar for your security. Thank you for helping us.”** She squeezed my hands and I returned the same gesture.

**“A favor if you may?”** she nodded.

**“I wanted for this communication to stay between us. You’ll be my contact only and perhaps we can also become friends along the way.”** I looked at her and saw gentleness in her eyes.

**“Also, to let you know, I just noticed that mages here do get their mana thru the so-called fade, right? And to tell you the truth I can’t connect to your fade. But don’t worry I still got some mana left in me. I’ll just lay low in using magic.”**

**“Is that life threatening to you?”**

**“Yes. I think so but as long as I don’t use any abilities that requires so much mana, I’ll live. I will see this through, Leliana. Don’t worry and you have my word!”**

**“If everything is settled, I’ll be looking for you later. Also, will you tell me what will happen?”**

**“Of course. Let’s start with…”**

I told her every event that will happen. I know that the inquisition right at that moment just stabilized the rift at the center of the conclave. I told her that they met someone who can close the rifts, but I don’t know who it is. She just listened to me very attentively and I think she is taking notes in her head. I told her about the people needed to be hired and will be part of the inner circle. I gave her the details of the missing scouts that will likely happen. The involvement of templars with red lyrium and the supposed indenture of rebel mages to a magister. I also informed her of what will happen when the breach will be closed. The attack in haven and the sacrifice of herald in order to save the whole haven. I can already feel the devastation from her voice whenever she asked about some details about the events. But I told her there were secrets from the inner circle that I can’t really reveal.

**“The other events I will tell you after all I’ve said to you took place. Is that alright?”**

**“Of course, with this information I can plan ahead of time. Will you permit me to let them know that I’m in contact with a seeress? And the other advisers should really know about you.”** she then asked. I know that other people, especially of those in the inner circle will likely be against having me as an adviser, so I’ll try to remain as invisible as possible.

**“That is alright I think but are you sure it’s good to inform them of this seeress thing? I don’t want them knowing me. Please, I rather be as insignificant as possible. I don’t want to change things. Me telling you of the events to happen, will change some things already but I just cant standby and do nothing.”** I told her.

**“Indeed, knowing in advance of this events will have a great effect and advantage to the Inquisition but I will just use this if it’s really needed. The herald will be the center of all this, and we should let him know too even you don’t want it.”**

**“Is he awake?”**

**“Not long ago.”** I sighed. I guess my secrets should be known to the advisers and the herald as well.

**“Well then, I’ll wait for you here. Go fetch the herald and the other advisers. It’s best to let them know where your information is coming from.”** She nodded and immediately went to get the others.

When Leliana came back, she explained to them who I am. Of course, the commander, which was an ex-templar, will question if I was a demon. Cassandra too. Josephine’s reaction was to be expected from a noble family in Antiva. I just never expected the herald to be so innocent and honest. He just accepted Leliana’s explanation. Oh, I forgot to introduce myself.

**“Leliana?”** I called and interrupted their heated argument.

**“Yes, Lady---?”** it seems she got what I was going to tell her.

**“Yes, Leliana. I didn’t even introduce myself.”** I sighed and looked at her. She smiled at me.

**“Indeed. And would you show them who you truly are, like what you just did earlier? But if it will endanger your mana—”**

**“It’s okay. Transforming to my original form didn’t even spend any of my mana.”** I looked with everyone and lastly waited for Leliana’s confirmation. She nodded and so I transformed. In my original form, my height will be like up to the shoulders of Cullen. I have a small face with reddish lips. My breasts are of that average size and my body was of a typical human. My skin was white as porcelain and my eyes are deep ocean blue. My hair is wavy dark blonde that extends up to my feet. I’m wearing a simple white gown that is made of silk and the belt is of gold color emphasizing how small my waist is. Maybe I’m just like your typical human here in Thedas. After transforming, I looked at them and noticed that all of them except Leliana were kneeling. I immediately went to them and asked them to stand.

**“Do I really look like her?”** I asked them. I was panicking already when Leliana went to me and grabbed my hands.

**“Yes, you do.”** Leliana answered and everyone was awestruck and can’t even look me in the eyes.

**“Really, Cullen? Cassandra? Josephine?”** I asked them. Then all of them nodded at the same time.

**“Oh my god. REALLY? I mean, I don’t know why but I guess let just keep this appearance to ourselves. Yes?” **

**“That’s probably the best, My Lady?”** oh the ever gentleman and kind Lion of Ferelden.

**“No, Lady please. I’m not a noble not here. Before maybe but here and the days that will follow no. I’m just **Arh ‘Wen ** to you. So, let’s start with introductions. My name is **Arh ‘Wen ** and thank you for believing me!”**

They smiled warmly and we started discussions on how to approach the events that will happen to Haven and the Herald. Of course, I omitted some details about the inner circle. I don’t want them to oppose Fen’Harel which is Solas by the way. Also, the ever humorous Varric and the others that will be part of the circle in the future.

After the discussion, I transformed my entertainer appearance and was directed to a cabin near the apothecary, which I know where Adan is and at the front of it is where Solas was staying. I don’t mind it but damn, those deep blue eyes with silver flecks on the center. Those eyes are very attractive in a sense that I can’t even take my eyes off them. Well, I was caught instantly by those same eyes looking straight at me. Well, what can I say I was attracted to him the very first time I knew all the things that happened to him. I felt something tugged on my heart. I can’t feel but anger to those who wronged him but really, I was a curious being, so it seems I have to study him too. I don’t really know what I will feel for the coming days. Let’s take one step at a time.

After some thinking while looking in the sky, I find myself humming. Thinking what will happen to me after all of this is done. Where will I’ll be after all this? I asked myself. I don’t really know, myself is hoping that all of what I’ll be doing is for the best. I’ll be just your ordinary entertainer and dancer. I was surprised that Solas came out of his cabin and looked at me with a small smile. Oh my goddess, that was a killer. I found myself reciprocating and walking away my cabin shyly. I don’t know where I’ll be going but damn, I can still feel his eyes on my back. That sent shivers to my spine.

Walking towards the gate, I saw Cullen training his recruits, while Cassandra was smashing some training dummies. I went towards the like and looked for somewhere to sit on. I’m going to practice some song and dance if I must be an entertainer here. I waited for the sun to set and looked at the village where everyone is starting to go to their respective houses to rest.

Sensing that I’ll be quite alone now, I started singing a song that I remember when I was back on my realm. I remember songs that was mostly like modern ones because my realm was quite advance in more ways than one.

_I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me_

_I still feel your touch in my dreams_

_Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why_

_Without you it's hard to survive_

That very moment, I felt so alone. I don’t know anyone here. When I was in my realm, I do have what you called friends, but I don’t think they know what it really means to be friends. I wanted to cry and just be without any purpose in life.

_'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling_

_And every time we kiss I swear I could fly_

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last_

_Need you by my side_

I looked at the sky with the swirling vortex. I stood up and walked towards the frozen lake. I tested if it was safe for me to skate. I was still singing while willing some ice skates on my feet. I felt myself free at that moment when I started sliding on the ice. The cold breeze hitting my face felt very comforting. Then I continued singing while I’m interpreting a slow dance on ice. I don’t know if they will be entertained with what I’ll be doing but at least I have to try.

_'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static_

_And every time we kiss I reach for the sky_

_Can't you hear my heart beat so I can't let you go_

_Want you in my life_

Then I tried using my magic by making the music playing in the air around me and lit some tiny lights that will suit the ambience of the song. It feels like I’m a goddess again. Singing without really singing and dancing to the song with fireflies that illuminates my surrounding. I miss my old life but what can I do, I’m here now. Let’s just make it worthwhile.

I was sliding from end to end of the frozen lake. Stretching my arms and legs that portrays every word of the song. I never really noticed that someone was watching when I passed by him.

**“A pleasant evening!”** he said.

**“And to you too. When did you start watching ummm---Mister ---?”** I asked but I already know who he I since he already caught my attention in front of my cabin.

**“Solas. Just Solas. And you are?”**

**“Arh ‘Wen , you friendly neighborhood entertainer.”** I introduced myself. I can’t seem to tear away my eyes from him. Those eyes and smile were very mesmerizing.

**“I was trying to gather some Elfroot for Adan, when I heard someone singing. I followed it and was intrigued. The song was beautiful and the same time sad. You have graceful moves. I only saw one dance like that long ago during my travels in the fade.”**

**“I see and thank you for the compliment. It’s the first time someone praised me with my songs and dance.”** I looked away wanting myself not to cry. **“Indeed, a long, long time.”** I whispered to myself. A tear slipped my eyes. Turning completely away from Solas I willed myself not to cry that moment but there they are falling freely. I wanted someone to comfort me. I needed someone to support me, to lean to and just be me but I know it will never be him. I was busy convincing myself when I heard him walk towards where I was standing. My heart was beating too fast and I can’t breathe that well.

**“Arh ‘Wen ?”** he called. But I can’t let him see me so weak.

**“Will you watch me finish the song and dance? It’s for free. You will be the first to see this number and you should be honored.”** I joked without looking back and slid away from him slowly.

**“I will be honored to witness such beautiful song and dance.”** I looked at him and hopefully he doesn’t notice my tears. I nodded and continued my performance. I inhaled deep and started singing again.

_Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky_

_They wipe away tears that I cry_

_The good and the bad times we've been through them all_

_You make me rise when I fall_

I glided on the ice and stretched my arms like flying. I twirled and twirled.

_'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling_

_And every time we kiss I swear I could fly_

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last_

_Need you by my side_

I was dancing like a ballerina but on ice. I watched his expression changed from sad to concern. I never danced in front of an audience before. and this moment I don’t want to end. I wanted him inside a shell where nothing can guilt him anymore. I wanted him, not I know why. I just wanted him safe and happy.

_'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static_

_And every time we kiss I reach for the sky_

_Can't you hear my heart beat so I can't let you go_

_Want you in my life_

With the last verse of the music, I sang it and slid on the ice towards him. I looked him in the eyes and there I can feel all his walls shattering.


	2. And he met her...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This half of this chapter is in Solas' point of view, the other is Arh ‘Wen 's.
> 
> enjoy!

**Solas POV**

Adan was so frustrating. I just needed a few Elfroot for the potion I was making for the Herald and he said that he doesn’t have enough stock, so I have to collect them myself. I pinched my eyebrows and sighed deep. I guess, there’s no choice but to collect them.

I went outside the gates of Haven towards a small forest where elfroots grow in abundance. While walking I heard a voice. A very innocent and sad voice. He followed the voice and there he saw a girl. She was gliding on the frozen lake. She was dancing to the music. It was like the dance he knew in Arlathan. He wanted to watch closer and so she walked towards the lake. There he can clearly hear the song. It was her voice, but it was all over the air. Little flecks of light danced around her that makes this moment very magical and mesmerizing.

_I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me_

_I still feel your touch in my dreams_

_Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why_

_Without you it's hard to survive_

It’s a very romantic song best sang during bonding rituals. He closed his eyes and felt the love and sadness of the one who made this song. Its heart breaking as well as blessing. It’s like she was talking to someone she really hold dear. Her Vhenan maybe, he thought.

_'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling_

_And every time we kiss I swear I could fly_

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last_

_Need you by my side_

I know she finally noticed me watching. She glided the ice towards me and looked at me with sad and hopeful eyes. Her skin was white, and her eyes are deep ocean blue just like his. Those eyes spoke volumes of love, sadness and hope.

**“A pleasant evening!”** I greeted her and it seems even I find myself speechless in front of this person.

**“And to you too. When did you start watching ummm---Mister ---?”** She asked me. Her eyes are twinkling like the stars tonight. They are mischievous in a way and can pierce my very soul. I steadied myself and introduced myself.

**“Solas. Just Solas. And you are?”**

**“Arh ‘Wen, your friendly neighborhood entertainer.”** An entertainer. A bard, maybe. A spy of Leliana. I studied her physique, but I can’t really tell if she was trained to be a bard. She was looking straight to me and those eyes and the shape of her face was truly wonderful.

**“I was trying to gather some Elfroot for Adan, when I heard someone singing. I followed it and was intrigued. The song was beautiful and the same time sad. You have graceful moves. I only saw one dance like that long ago during my travels in the fade.”** I told her. Then the eyes that were happy awhile ago was now tainted with sadness and despair.

**“I see and thank you for the compliment. It’s the first time someone praised me with my songs and dance.”** She thanked me but now she was looking to the moon with that distant look in her eyes. I wanted to say more when I heard her whisper, **“Indeed, a long, long time.”** I was somewhat surprised because even for an entertainer she should be receiving praises after every performance. She is maybe one of them. Elvhen. Wanting to know if she was one, I was about to ask her but asking now will reveal much about myself. Indeed, I think she was one of the Elvhen. With the abilities she had shown in just that moment, _she is one of my people._ I was about to ask her but I saw her glide the ice away from me. I can sense that she was crying. I wanted to know what caused it. I don’t know what came to me. The emotions I buried long ago were resurfacing without any effort.

I looked at her dejected form and called to her. **“Arh ‘Wen ?” **

**“Will you watch me finish the song and dance? It’s for free. You will be the first to see this number and you should be honored.”** She said with a trembling voice. She is now looking at me with tearful eyes. I’m sure she doesn’t want to appear weak in front of me. I sighed and said, **“I will be honored to witness such beautiful song and dance.”** It is really an honor to witness this kind of performance. I never imagined watching one of this again after I raised the veil. All elves are now like tranquil with no access to the fade. She started the music and danced with it.

_Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky_

_They wipe away tears that I cry_

_The good and the bad times we've been through them all_

_You make me rise when I fall_

She was like a goddess. I wondered what she will look like with a dress on while dancing to this same song. It will be ethereal, I believe. Now, I have time observing how she moves. With pants as tight as what she wore and the too large shirt she was wearing, it’s impossible to dance gracefully but with her, it was like breathing air. Her hair was braided in the center. The dance was truly captivating. The aura she was emanating was sorrowful but full of love and longing. It is like she was talking to me. I can’t keep my eyes off her.

_'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static_

_And every time we kiss I reach for the sky_

_Can't you hear my heart beat so I can't let you go_

_Want you in my life_

I can’t really see her face fully because of the clouds. She was now gliding towards me and sings the song herself and stopped in front of me.

**Arh ‘Wen POV**

Standing only few inches away from him, I can feel that he was tense. He might be panicking inside. Is it because of the song? I know I kind of wanted to sing a love song, but I never intended to show it through the song. I felt very hollow inside but looking at his eyes full of questions and concern, I smiled a little. Just talking to him for a little while earlier, I felt something rise in my chest. I don’t know what this is. Solas near me, makes me sad and happy at the same time. Those deep blue-silver eyes, tells everything about him.

A day just passed, and I was feeling like this towards him. I don’t know what’s happening really or I am just crazy, but it feels like I was complete. I know what will happen if I pursue this road. It will hurt a lot and rejections are what I fear the most. I remember my mother telling me,

_Love as much as you want but think before you decide that he will be that person. I was lucky your father never rejected my love for him. because, if ever it did happen, it will cost it our life. Rejections are like a death sentence to us, goddesses, once is safe, twice would be too much and the third one will be our death. Remember we don’t have enough worshippers left. Although we are immortal, we are losing our powers without worshippers. So, if ever you stumbled to another realm without any worshippers, we are destined to die. Be careful to whom you will give your heat away, **Arh ‘Wen **._

I wanted for these feelings to be gone. I don’t want to love. I don’t want to die. But standing in front me was my greatest fear. I know he will be the death of me the first time he talked to me. I will be careful, I hope. If the times comes that the death of me will be inevitable, I have already saved him and this world from his plans. That I promise myself.

**“What’s the verdict, Solas? Do I pass?”** I asked him.

**“Yes. It seems that your dance and song will garner the attention of all Haven. That was beautifully done, Arh ‘Wen .”**

**“I---- thank you.”** I shyly responded. I looked away from him. it seems we don’t know what to say to each other. The silence was deafening when he suddenly grabbed my hands. I was startled with the act, but I welcome it very much. It was a very intimate gesture. Our auras were dancing together. A bee with its flower, seems like. He was searching something.

**“What are you looking for, Solas?”** I asked her and he dropped my hands instantly.

**“I apologize. I didn’t know what I was doing.”** He was blushing. His ears were tinged with pink colors. From where I was standing, I can see it perfectly, the well-defined jaws, the cute dimples he has on his chins, the scar on his brows and the very pointed ears.

**“Forgiven. But tell me, is there a question you wanted to be answered?”** I inquired. I don’t know if this is right but as long as I can answer whatever question he has, I will oblige.

I can already see the gears working in his head. And then he gazed at me intensely.

**“Who are you?”** He was now holding again my hands. I don’t even know what to think anymore.

**“Really? That is your question?”** I squeezed his hands and let my aura out. I’m positive he is thinking that I am one of his people. I summoned little fireflies around us. The moment was so magical. I wanted to see his face clearly so I went and held his cheek on my other hand. He tensed a little not knowing what I will do. He was so speechless that even his aura was on disarray.

**“I—I was not expecting someone with as little aura as you have have abilities similar to ancient elves that I’ve seen in my travels through the fade. So, may I ask again, who might you be?”** I looked straight into his eyes. He was waiting eagerly. I smiled to him and answered.

**“Truthfully? I don’t know. I am Arh ‘Wen. I am just me.”** I let go of his face and I missed immediately how warm it was on my hands. I walked not too far from him. With my skates gone, I can feel how cold the ice since I don’t wear any boots or shoes. I put some warmth glyph on my feet and sighed deeply.

**“Solas?”** I think I got his attention.

**“Do you know where Fenrir in this sky is? I can’t seem to find HIM?”** He was now beside and observing me.

**“It is not visible tonight. And that is not an answer. Why do you ask?”**

**“I LOVE that constellation. You see, I was very fond of wolves. They are loyal creatures. I once knew a wolf. Loved him like a family would. We were always together even in my bed. He will snuggle beside me and I hug him in return. He was my best friend. We are inseparable but of course, the time came for him to move on from me.”** I paused and gazed at him and waited for any sign for me to continue my story.

**“One morning, I woke up and he was gone. Without even saying goodbye. I understood then that maybe he doesn’t need me anymore. Don’t love me anymore. And then I found him. He became the alpha of a pack. I went to him but he just looked at me without recognition and ran away. I was devastated.”** I was startled when he was in front of me and wiping the tears falling from my eyes. The gesture was so sweet that I was trembling already. I don’t know maybe of sadness or happiness. I don’t know anymore.

**“I’m sorry. I never intended for you to remember such sad moments.”** I shook my head telling him that its okay. He has done nothing wrong. He just let me cry and stayed there all that time.

**“Thank you and I’m sorry. I just had some weakness when it comes to wolves.”**

**“Do you not fear them?”** He inquired.

**“No. I don’t. They are wild, true. But I can’t find any reason to hate or fear them. They are protective and obsessive to their very bones. Even me as a go—I mean human, was selfish enough to have someone or something I want.”** Oopss.. that was close. Even knowing him already was an advantage to me, slipping now would get me killed. He was smirking, I know. He noticed that I stuttered. I sighed and went to looking back to the clouds.

**“Indeed. Ferocious creatures they may be, they still have loyalty and pride in them.”** He confidently said. After that we stayed silent for a while. I am listening to the sounds around us. The wind is not that cold. The breeze is cool to the face. This silent moments with him, I will definitely never forget.

After some time, we talked about the fade, his experiences with spirits. His time in the Inquisition. His travels before the explosion of the Conclave. I shared also some of my experiences without hinting that I was from another realm. I learned so much although its quite depressing that I can’t really tell him who I am. We both have secrets to hide.

**“Thank you for sharing so much with me even though, we just met.”** I blushed a little

**“It was my pleasure. To tell you the truth, I was curious about your whole being. You are a mystery. And the act earlier and the abilities you have already proven you are Elvhen. Just like—”** He was debating if he should tell me one of his secrets. That’s a good start.

**“Just like?”** I asked. I can see him take a very deep breath. I looked at him and there it was. That deep blue eyes told everything.

**“Just like me. I am an ancient elf that lived during the Elvhenan Empire. I believe that you are one, too.”** I smiled to him and cupped his face with my right hand. He was taken aback with the touching but then I just can’t help myself. I am very happy that he admitted one of his secrets to me. A stranger to him. But I remembered that I’m not an elf. I’m human. I smiled to him and I’m sure he can see the sadness in my eyes.

**“I don’t want to burst your bubble, Solas but have you not noticed that I’m not elvhen.”**

**“You are not elvhen? Then what kind of ears do you have?”** He smirked at me and I don’t really know what to answer. He slipped a hair through my ears. And then my eyes went wide. I touched my ears and lo and behold they are pointed like an elf.

**“ughh—I don’t remember being elvhen.”** I was trying to save myself from telling him anything about what I am and here I am not knowing that I’m elvhen. Not elf. Elvhen. I started panicking and I can’t really breathe. My head is spinning, and everything went black for a moment. When I opened my eyes, I was met with two concerned eyes. He was holding me upright. His hands on my back and waists. I’m a blushing goddess right now.

**“Arh ‘Wen ? Are you alright? You fainted. I apologize. I didn’t mean to tease you. It’s just been a long time.”** He explained without looking me in the eyes.

**“Indeed, its been a long time, Solas. Can you walk me to my cabin?”** I asked him.

**“Of course. Besides our cabins near the apothecary.”** He held one of my hands and led me towards Haven.

When we arrived in front of my cabin, I thanked him in escorting me. We bade each other good night and hoping that this moment would last forever.

**“Goodnight, Arh ‘Wen .”**

**“Sweet dreams, Solas.”** I saw him walked towards his door and before I went inside my own cabin I whispered, **“Is breá liom tú, mo mhac tire.”** I don't know why I said that but by just saying those words, they feel right. The best in fact. I fell in love in just a day. What a very quickk development. Then I closed the door hoping he didn’t hear it.

_The only thing our goddess didn't know is that, he heard it and he knows what it means._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations:
> 
> Is breá liom tú, mo mhac tire. - i love you, my wolf.


	3. And they danced...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was crying when I wrote this Chapter. I don't know why.

The following days are full of bustling activities in Haven. I talked to Leliana thru the crystal and I was informed that the Herald went to Storm Coast to recruit the Chargers. After the Storm Coast they will be going back to the Hinterlands to secure more areas from bandits, mages and templars. I wish I was with the. I want to see the crossroads and if possible, contribute something to that place. I know there are lots of things left to do there. While thinking, I noticed Cullen talking to someone by the stables. They must have secured some horses from Master Dennet because I can already see some of the fine breeds Ferelden can offer.

I walk towards the tavern and will fetch some breakfast. The plan for today will be writing an announcement that a performance by the frozen lake will take place later today. I’m quite sad because Solas is not around and I find myself missing him more. I just can’t believe myself. Falling in love in just a day is quite a feat. _Let’s stop thinking about it for now_, I told myself. I sighed as many times as I can but there’s no time thinking. It’s time to do something good.

I went to Leliana and told her that I’ll be needing some parchment and ink. She directed me inside the Chantry where Josephine is. Inside, I find several people of Haven praying in front of Andraste. And would you look at that. I really look like her. I also passed by Mother Giselle talking to one of the Clerics. Maybe they’re talking about the situation back in the Crossroads.

I tried to push a big heavy door, but I guess I just can’t. fortunately, Commander Cullen was nearby and helped me.

**“Thank you, Commander!”** I beamed at him with a wide smile.

**“No thanks necessary, bard!”** He slightly bowed his head and walked towards the entrance of the chantry. Typical Cullen Rutherford. We decided that they should just be calling me by my name or bard. I’m still looking to where Cullen had gone when Josephine interrupted my musing.

**“Lady Arh ‘Wen?”**

**“Lady Josephine. A pleasant morning to you.”** I curtsied like she taught me and I was rewarded with a beautiful smile from her.

**“A pleasant morning to you, too. What can I help you with?”** She asked.

**“I needed some parchments and ink for the announcement of my performance today by the lake. Can you spare me some?” **

**“Of course. Is it today? I forgot that it is today. Oh. It’s great opportunity, Lady Arh ‘Wen.”**

**“What opportunity?”** I asked her. I don’t know what she is thinking but I guess it’s about holding a celebration again.

**“A feast.”**

**“A feast?”** I repeated with a big question mark on my head. I decided to sit already because this will be a long talk, again.

**“Yes. I received a missive today that the Herald and his companions in the mid-day. I was thinking that maybe you can perform in celebration of their arrival?”** I was surprised that they will be returning today. What will I do? What song and dance will I perform? When I stared back to the Ambassador, she was waiting for my reply. I sighed and will think on this later. I need them to be prepared because I’ll be using magic.

**“Lady Josephine, just to let you know, I’ll be using a little magic to my performance. And as I can see here, not all are welcoming with the idea of magic. And of course, I’ll be happy to welcome them. I’ll be using the instrument I have with me for a song number and then, a little magic during my dance number.”** I explained to her. I don’t want to die just by performing an unorthodox magic.

**“That is wonderful.”** She exclaimed and stood up from her chair and went to a large chest. She came back to me handing a bundle of clothes.** “Here. I requisitioned for this to be made for your performances. You can’t simple wear armor for your dance, yes?” **I just nodded and smiled at her.

**“Thank you, Lady Ambassador!”** She smiled back at me and went to do her business. I remained there and wrote the announcement. Josephine summoned a messenger for the announcements to be posted in every part of Haven. After that, I bid her goodbye and went to Leliana.

**“Sister Nightingale?”** I called to her. She was busy with missives from her scouts at that moment.

**“Lady Arh ‘Wen"** She answered and walked towards me.

**“Ummm—can you help talk about my magic with the Commander. My performance later this evening will use a little of my magic, so I wanted to talk to him about it but I’m finding myself quite intimidated by him. Please?”** I explained to her. I just needed someone to accompany me.

**“Of course. Come. I’m also bringing this to him.”** She led me towards the gate. There I can see soldiers training with swords and shields. In the middle I saw Cassandra and Cullen talking.

**“Cassandra, Commander.”** She called to them. They turned their heads and saw us walking towards them. I was behind Leliana all this time.

**“Leliana! And Lady Arh ‘Wen!”** of course, Cassandra will notice me.

**“Hi”** I timidly greeted them.

**“We needed some armor and swords requisitioned for the soldiers back in the hinterlands. Here is the missive.”** She handed the parchment to Cullen and he started reading it. **“It will be done.”** He said. **“Also, Lady **Arh ‘Wen ** here wants to talk about her performance later this evening by the lake. I’m sure you have read the notice posted all over Haven about this. She will be using magic for her performance.”** She explained, nodded and left me there. She left me alone there. I sighed and took a very deep breath.

**“What kind of magic, Lady Arh ‘Wen?”**

**“Ummm—a little of this mage light and music in the air during the dance. That is all.”** I fidgeted because damn, these two are very intimidating. Of course, they are taller than me and more muscled than me.

**“You don’t have to fear us, Lady Arh ‘Wen. I will make sure the area around the lake later will be secured. I will also inform some of the ex-templars here about the magic you will be using.”** I just nodded and curtsied away. I ran towards my cabin still holding a bundle of clothes from Josephine. I laid it in my bed, and I was amazed by the design.

It was made with silk with gold colored belts and a matching gold wrist bracelet. I can never thank Josephine enough for this dress. It was like the dresses I usually wear in my realm. Also, there is a matching cloak that is very well made. I noticed that it was armed with heat runes to make warm later I’m sure. I can’t wait for later.

After practicing the whole morning, I went to the tavern again for food. When I was a goddess, we don’t have to eat that much. Food is not a necessity that time but now that I am just a mage, everything is necessary. After eating, I wandered the forest outside Haven. There I saw an abundance of Elfroot, which Solas was gathering for Adan and a lot of bison-like animals. I believe they are called druffalos. I decided to pick some Elfroot and will give it to Solas or Adan later. Luckily, while I’m busy picking Elfroot, I found something interesting. I think it’s called Royal Elfroot. And it was located on a steep hill. I climbed and got some few scratches on my hands and knees, but it was nothing a potion can heal.

It’s almost evening when I decided that I collected enough plants. I went back to my cabin and waited for someone to knock on my door to start the feast. Then, I heard the bells. I went outside and saw that the Herald and his Companion already arrived. The commander and Leliana were already there greeting them. It’s a shame I can’t welcome them as they did. From my cabin I can see them talking by the stables. Varric already made his way to the tavern. And there’s the Iron Bull. He is huge. Damn, can’t let that guy see through. He is a dangerous guy. Solas as alone as ever, was taking care of his hart. After some time, he looked towards our cabin and maybe, just maybe, I am wishing that he was looking for me. I’ve missed our discussions whenever he had free time. He was always making time for me. just spending some quiet time under the stars every night. My heart was beating fast and I looked away from his direction and decided to go back to my cabin.

It’s already evening and anytime now will be the performance by the lake. I already donned the clothes Josephine gave me and I was braiding my hair when a knock came.

**“Come in. The door’s open.”** I was busy braiding when I heard a voice, I’m so familiar with. I turned my head and there he is, _mo mhac tire._

**“You should not let anyone in your cabin, Arh ‘Wen. What if I’m an assassin?”** He was walking towards me and I don’t know what to say. My eyes were wide open. And thankfully, I don’t have to cover myself since I already wore the cloak over my outfit for the dance.

**“Speechless again, Arh ‘Wen? How many times did I rendered you speechless already?”** He smirked at me and looked at me from head to toe. Of course, I’m blushing. Damn, pheromones.

**“You are counting?”** I was smiling now with the way he was teasing me and just shook my head. This teasing has gone far already and I’m restraining myself. He just answered me with a playful smirk.

**“I saw the notice that you will be having a performance by the lake?”** He asked. I just noticed that there’s something he was holding on his hands that are folded on his back.

**“Yes. It’s in celebration of the arrival of the Herald and his companions. A feast will follow after in the tavern as the Lady Ambassador instructed.”** I turned away from him and busied myself again with my hair.

With a pitiful attempt to braid my hair like the one I was used too, I gave up.

**“WHY WON’T YOU DO WHAT I WANT?”** I scolded my hair. Damn, why now. I was about to cry when I heard a chuckle behind me.

**“Oh Solas, you are still here, I guess. Sorry for the outburst. Damn this hair just won’t be braided.”** I complained to him.

**“May I?”** he asked.

**“May I what?”**

**“I used to do braids long ago, Arh ‘Wen. I’m not always bald.”** Oh. I was perplexed with what he was offering. Solas, the Dread wolf? Braiding my hair?

**“I don’t want to burden you besides I know you are tired. You should rest. I will just call someone who can help me.”** I want him to rest and don’t burden himself with my complaints. I’ve already done enough complaining to him the past months.

**“It’s no burden, Arh ‘Wen. Besides I like your hair and I missed our discussions this last few days. Is this really the color of your hair?”** He was now combing my hair with his fingers. I was very nervous that moment. He’s acting as if he cares about me. That I’m important to him. I just wish so. I wanted to tell him my secret but if I told him will he change how he treats me? I question a lot these past few days. Then I notice a flower beside table. It’s not there before.

**“Maybe…Thank you for being so kind to me, Solas. How can I ever repay you?”** he turned me around locking my eyes with him.

**“You just have to do your best with this performance of yours and consider the debt repaid.”** He explained. He handed me the flower that was on the table.

**“For me?”** He nodded with a small smile in his lips. I held the flower and stared at it. It was beautiful. It is white with a tinge blue in the middle.

**“When we are in the Hinterlands, we came across a ruin and when I saw this flower there, it reminded me of you.”** He explained to while gazing at me with very gentle eyes. How come he is like this with me. The version of Solas I saw is never like this. Does it have something to do with me being here? If it is, then is there any chance that I can save him? That I can help him. That he will let me help him. I was staring intensely on the flower when I felt his fingers lift my chin.

**“What are you thinking about, Arh ‘Wen?”** He asked me. His eyes are full of concern and worry.

**“I’m---it is nothing for you to worry about. Thank you for the flower. What is it called?”** I inquired. I never knew this type of flower. It is the first time I saw anything like it.

**“It’s crystal grace. The flowers are appreciated for their beauty as well as their medicinal value.” **He lectured. Oh, speaking of. I must give him the plants I gathered.

**“Thank you.”** I blushed. Of course, I’m a blushing Goddess. I feel the heat from my face. **“Wait here. I have to give you what I gathered earlier.”** He was confused to what was I gathering.

**“Here. Elfroot and royal Elfroot. For your potions. I thought that you needed more of it since Adan was a grumpy old man.”** I handed him the pouch full of Elfroot. And the royal Elfroot was on a separate one.

**“I appreciate the help, Arh ‘Wen. But pray tell, where did you get this Royal elf root? I have never seen one growing outside the gates or even the forest.”**

**“Ummm—I have to climb a steep hill for me to get it. And oh my god, I forgotten to drink a potion.”** And just then I remembered I have scratches all over my knees and feet. When I was about to get the potion, he grabbed my wrists, and wave of magic spread all over. He was examining if I was injured.

**“Are you hurt?” **

**“Little scratches here and there but I’ll just have to drink a healing potion and it will be gone.”** I explained. Of course, he is a worrywart. I can’t help myself but smile to the worried face his face is making right now. He stopped me again and was dragged to a chair near my bed. He was now kneeling in front of me sending some healing spells to the scratches I have on my knees and feet.

**“Arh ‘Wen, please be careful. And climbing steep hills are very dangerous.”**

**“Solas, I’m fine. It’s just scratches.”** He sighed and stood. He looked at me feet and said, **“Don’t you have any protection for your feet?” **He asked.

**“Uhhh—I think I forgot to tell the Quartermaster that I needed some. Besides I’m not accustomed wearing something on my feet.”** I wiggled my toes and looked at him. **“My feet are always bare because I want to feel the earth under it.”**

**“May I suggest you purchase footwraps. It is like what I’m wearing. Its just like you are wearing nothing.”** I nodded and waited for him to add another long explanation from him, but he turned around and left. After a few moments, he came back with cloth-like wraps. He then kneeled in front of me and started wrapping my feet. I want to cry. This is so not like him. I was very happy that I really wanted to cry. After he was satisfied with his goal, he stood and guided to stand up.

**“How do you feel?”**

**“I—It’s like what you have said. Thank you, Solas. Thank you for this. Thank you for everything.”** Looking at him, I just can’t help hugging him. I dived in his stomach and hugged him very tightly. He tensed when I hugged him but then he returned it as he embraced and kissed my forehead.

I can’t stop feeling hopeful that he cares for me. That I’m important to him. I want to stay in this moment forever. I want him in my arms forever and let no one hurt him. However, it was just a moment of happiness and we are interrupted with a knock. He immediately let go of me. he was blushing and I can see it from where I am standing.

The messenger told me that I’m already needed by the lake. I told him that I will be there already. I handed him my instrument to be brought there. I turned back to my room and Solas was nowhere to be found. He maybe jumped over my window and returned to his Cabin. I was disappointed since he didn’t even wait for me. I’m angry with the pushing and pulling he was showing with me. I sighed heavily and exited my cabin.

By the lake, I saw a lot of people. There’s the inner circle, the Herald and the advisers on the side. I beelined towards them. I saw Solas talking to Varric. I am angry at him this moment. I will ignore him this time. I passed in front of him and Varric.

**“Master Tethras, good evening!”**

**“Princess… you are finally here. Chuckles here is excited about your performance.”** He teased Solas and since I was quite irritated with him let’s just pretend, I don’t know him for a second.

**“Chuckles? I don’t know anyone with a name Chuckles, Master Tethras.”** I briefly looked at him and saw that he was confused on my response. I do know who chuckles is but this I don’t know him. Just this time. He looked at Solas and returned the gaze to me. I grabbed Varric’s wrist and led him away from Solas.

**“Master Tethras, do you mind announcing that the performance will start?”**

**“No problem, Princess. But you must tell me later what that was about?”**

**“You are making story about me now, Master Tethras?”** I winked at him and laughed.

**“Here is your instrument. Don’t forget I’m rooting for you and Chuckles.” **He quipped while laughing. **“Varric…”** I warned him. My story will not end good if I ended with him. I whispered to myself.

**“People of Haven, the performance will now start. Please enjoy the show.”** He then bowed and a huge applause came.

I summoned my little fireflies. _Let’s show them that magic, and music can be wonderful._ I held my instrument and walked in the center of the lake. The people gasped and was amazed of how magical the lake is. Especially when a girl they don’t know appeared out of nowhere is now singing.

_In your eyes, there's a heavy blue_

_One to love and one to lose_

_Sweet divide, a heavy truth_

_Water or wine, don't make me choose_

_I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night (night)_

_Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky_

_I've been running through the jungle_

_I've been running with the wolves_

_To get to you, to get to you_

_I've been down the darkest alleys_

_Saw the dark side of the moon_

_To get to you, to get to you_

_I've looked for love in every stranger_

_Took too much to ease the anger_

_All for you, yeah, all for you_

_I've been running through the jungle_

_I've been crying with the wolves_

_To get to you, to get to you (oh to get to you)_

I didn’t bother looking to my audience. I just concentrated to my singing. Letting all my emotions out. This push and pull game he’s playing. I know I will end up dead because of him but why does my heart tell me to go for it. For a few months of staying here, I was happy and sad at the same time. I don’t know why. I don’t really know.

_Your fingertips trace my skin_

_To places I have never been_

_Blindly I am following_

_Break down these walls and come on in_

_I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night_

_Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky_

_I've been running through the jungle_

_I've been running with the wolves_

_To get to you, to get to you_

_I've been down the darkest alleys_

_Saw the dark side of the moon_

_To get to you, to get to you_

_I've looked for love in every stranger_

_Took too much to ease the anger_

_All for you, yeah, all for you_

_I've been running through the jungle_

_I've been crying with the wolves_

_To get to you, to get to you (oh to get to you)_

We are both wolves. Even though I keep on chasing him, he will never look back. He has his duty and it doesn’t involve me. **_What a pathetic goddess, you are Arh ‘Wen._ **I chastised myself. I wanted to drown to this feeling of helplessness and despair and never wake up from it.

_I've been running through the jungle_

_I've been running with the wolves_

_To get to you, to get to you_

_I've been down the darkest alleys_

_Saw the dark side of the moon_

_To get to you, to get to you_

_I've looked for love in every stranger_

_Took too much to ease the anger_

_All for you, yeah, all for you_

_I've been running through the jungle_

_I've been crying with the wolves_

_To get to you, to get to you (oh to get to you)_

When I finished the song, I am breathing heavily, and a few tears have fallen in my cheeks. I will be alone even if he was there. I will die alone. I am all alone in this world. _Stop thinking about dying, Arh ‘Wen._ I told to myself. Then I looked to my audience, I’m glad they liked the song I just sung. My gaze caught his attention. I know he was very confused right now, but I must let him decide for himself. I’ll just back away for a moment and let him be. He gazed at me intensely that I can feel my whole body shiver. I looked away and remove my cloak. I summoned my skates and glided on the ice. Everyone was amazed. The children were clapping. I glided towards the ambassador.

**“Lady Arh ‘Wen, you look magnificent.”** Leliana, Cassandra and Josephine said to me. I blushed of course. And felt a little nervous. Just looking at them smiling and happy is enough for me. That lifted my mood.

**“Lady Arh ‘Wen?”**

**“Herald, I appreciate your time watching me perform.”** I mused to him. He has beautiful eyes and smile. I just hope it will never be gone for the coming days. There’s so much burden on his shoulder and I’m glad he got people that will help him all the way.

**“You look wonderful in that dress, my lady. Right, Commander?”** Cullen didn’t have to answer because it showed in his face.

**“Thank you, Max.”** I whispered to him. The people of Haven shouldn’t hear that I was calling him with a nickname. He much preferred it that way. We are best friends, by the way. He winked at me and looked at Solas. Why is he looking at him? Is he teasing him? oh my god. I don’t want to have that angry eyes on me. Solas is definitely angry. Max then turned back to me and kissed my hands.

**“Go and dance, dear!”**

**“Hold this for me?”** He nodded and I glided to the center.

I willed the music play through the air around the lake. I added some lights around the lake so that they can see me clearly. And I danced…

_The day we met,_

_Frozen I held my breath_

_Right from the start_

_I knew that I'd found a home for my heart_

_Beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave?_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall_

_But watching you stand alone?_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

I glided the ice like I was a part of it. Dancing and music were my favorite past time back in my realm. They often invited me to gatherings and rituals. I never imagined that I could use this here in Thedas. I just hope that they will find it beautiful and will bring them a little happiness.

_Time stands still_

_Beauty in all she is_

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anything take away_

_What's standing in front of me_

_Every breath_

_Every hour has come to this_

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_And all along I believed I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_Ohh_

I was looking for someone’s eyes and there it is. I know he is angry. Damn, I was angry with him for leaving my cabin without saying anything. But I just can’t help myself. He will be the death of me. The overflowing love and longing are overwhelming. I want to kiss him, embrace him, smile with him. But. He will reject me. Duty comes first. I was crying already. I looked away immediately hoping that he didn’t notice my tears and hurt. I concentrated on gliding and twirling. This will be the last verse…

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_And all along I believed I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

I’ll never give him up even if I must lie to his face. Even if it hurts both us. When the song ended, all the lights I summoned was gone and everything was dark, since the two moons were not out tonight. I’m all alone on this adventure. No one will understand me. I was crying already. I heard someone, talking to the audience that the show was done, and they should go to the tavern for a bountiful feast. I know it was Varric. I heard them walk away and there’s no one left. I was trembling already not of the cold but of loneliness, helplessness, grief, despair. I am lost. I wiped my tears when I heard a set of steps walking towards me. then I looked up. I saw the advisers and the Herald.

Max gave me back my cloak and hugged me tightly. Leliana, Josephine and Cullen praised me because of the wonderful performance I showed. I told them that I will stay outside for a while. I know Max noticed my tear stained cheeks and hugged me once more. **“I’m always here for you, Arh ‘Wen.” **He whispered to me.

**“Thank you, Max. It means a lot.”** I hugged him back and pushed him towards the advisers.

I was left alone. I can still see their backs from my spot walking towards the gate. I decided to spend some alone time before I get back to my cabin.

I went to the forest where I gathered Elfroot and sat on big tree stump. I was thinking, what will it be without me here. I’m afraid that after all this I can’t find my own home. Home? Will I find it here? I was hoping for the best of life could offer will happen to me. but it seems I’m just a tool. A guide. No true friends except Maxwell. He’s been a true friend to me. Despite being a noble he never let it get to his head. He was so down to earth and kind. There’s no reason why I can’t fall in love with him. But why not him? Why does it have to be the Dread wolf? It hurts already that I know the future and if I try to change it, I will never know what will happen.

Despite hating myself, I find it worthwhile. The risk I’ll be taking. And since now I’m a mortal mage with a life countdown. I’ll just risk it all. Loving the Dread Wolf was no easy feat. It’s full of hardship and obstacles. Even if I lay my life on a silver platter, I will always be rejected. He will never let me in fully. Never. I closed my eyes and feels the surrounding. The air. The sound of the insects. I was in peace. I started singing this one song I always here back from my realm. It was so heartbreaking.

_If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?_

_If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?_

_If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?_

_If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?_

_I never know what the future brings,_

_But I know you are here with me now,_

_We'll make it through,_

_And I hope you are the one I share my life with_

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand,_

_If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?_

_Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

I was startled when a voice was calling me. I was so into the song that I find myself crying. Again. I wiped the tears angrily because I don’t want someone seeing me like this.

**“Arh ‘Wen.”** My heart skipped a beat just by hearing him say my name. I turned around and there he was standing in front of me. One look in his eyes and I’ll start crying again and so I avoided his gaze.

**“Is there something wrong?”** He inquired. His voice is full of concern and worry. He walks towards me and kneeled to where I was sitting. I didn’t answer. If I answer, he can hear my trembling voice. I just shook my head and looked far away.

**“Arh ‘Wen? I know there is something wrong. Are you hurt anywhere?”** He insisted. And now he was holding my hands. I tried to stay quiet, but this hobo will never let me. I took a deep breath and said, **“No, everything’s fine. There’s nothing to worry about. Why are you here?”** I asked in return.

He sighed heavily and let me go. **“Everyone is worried about you. Me, included. And…”**

**“And?”**

**“And I just wanted to tell you, that the song was beautiful. You’re dancing abilities surpassed my expectations. All your emotions are shown with every movement. I was speechless for the first time.”** I looked at him, but he was now looking at my feet. I will never understand this guy without confronting him. Should I go for it? Risk it all?

**“Wow. I rendered you speechless for the first time. I’d like to do that again. If there will be a next time, of course.” **He is now looking at me with eyes that’s full of emotions. _How can I let you go?_ I asked myself. I stood up and left my cloak on the tree. I then turned and walked a few steps away from him.

“**Do you know how to dance, Solas?”** I honestly don’t know if he knows the dances, I knew so I must ask.

**“I have attended celebrations and was lucky to have been taught how to dance by my parents. Yes I know how to dance but do you know what I know?”**

**“Hmm—Will you dance with me and find out?”** I challenged him. of course, I know he will never back down.

**“I will be singing, and we are both dancing. A slow waltz will do.”** He walked towards me and offered his hands. I took it and placed my right hand on his shoulders. His left hands holding my waist. We are so close that I can already hear his heart beating so fast. He was nervous. I smiled and started singing.

_If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?_

_If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?_

_If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?_

_If you're not for me then why do I dream of me as my wife?_

_I don't know why you're so far away,_

_But I know that this much is true,_

_We'll make it through,_

_And I hope you are the one I share my life with,_

_And I wish that you could be the one I die with,_

_And I pray in you're the one I build my home with,_

_I hope I love you all my life_

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand,_

_If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?_

_Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

He was leading and I’m the one following. His moves are graceful and very dignified. I tried to look at him and was met with eyes that are twinkling. He was happy right here. Right now. I smiled to him, but I know he can see how sad my eyes are. The song really was for the heartbroken. I can now feel my tears falling to my face. Then I saw how his emotion shifted from desire to worry. I know that he knows, what the song really means.

_'Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away,_

_And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today,_

_'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right,_

_And though I can't be with you tonight,_

_You know my heart is by your side_

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand,_

_If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?_

_Is there any way I can stay in your arms?_

For the last part, I was now holding his face while singing. Looking him in his eyes. Rubbing small circles to his cheeks. His arms are now circled around me as if I’m to be taken away. His eyes are very confused at that moment. They are happy but deep down is regret. He will regret this, and I won’t. Our foreheads are touching, and our lips are just centimeters apart. I closed my eyes and let my lips touch his. It was perfect. His lips are so soft and tempting. I can feel the confusion, but he never pulled away instead he returned the kiss. I already dreamed this happening after all the teasing and flirting happening, but I never expected it to be like this. He is my home. My soul and heart. He was like a puzzle piece that completes me. I’m now complete. But, it will never last. 

Slowly we stopped kissing and we are breathing heavily. I looked him in the eyes, and I smiled. So this is it.

**“I love you, Solas.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first song was titled wolves - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0iYvnz8aiE  
here is the basis of the dance - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60ral9pNRFA  
the last song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnH3mbeARTg
> 
> CTTO: the picture for the basis of Arh ‘Wen's dress and cloak - http://shopleatherworks.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/greek-gods-and-goddesses-costumes-for-adults-fever-sexy-goddess-fancy-dress-costume-ladies-roman-home-improvement-show-tim-allen.jpg
> 
> https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTIig7iH3wSR-e6MBImVasXRHxXCDFoONQRYI1zb5ijrYYalNc_ww


	4. And once, she was rejected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in Solas point of view of Chapter 3.
> 
> Also, this will be a long chapter. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Thank you for the wonderful comments from you guys. It keeps me going.

_Months ago…_

**_“Is breá liom tú, mo mhac tire.”_** I love you, my wolf. I turned back to where she was, but she was already gone. What does she mean by it? She loves the wolf. No. She loves me?

I went inside my cabin and tried to focus myself with the events that were currently happening in Thedas. I never intended for my orb to be lost and my agents still can’t find the damn orb. Where did I go wrong? I just followed the plan and of course, it never follows through. While thinking what I will be doing next, an image appeared out of nowhere. Arh ‘Wen. She was a mystery. And She haven’t admitted fully that she was Elvhen. It’s quite perplexing that I admitted openly to strange girl that I’m an ancient elf. Even if it’s not the whole truth. I find myself very concerned and worried about her. Her magic was just like mine. Cold but gentle. She was fierce and graceful. I’m trying to access her whole being, but I can’t access it by simple prodding. When I tried to push my aura to her, I can feel hers welcoming without any reserve.

Only a day has passed, and I’ve been rendered speechless by this single being. Her abilities, I haven’t seen since Arlathan. The magic she summoned never uses mana. She was a mystery I intended to solve but how. Already talking to her, I can’t even say a word. Me, with so much knowledge about the fade and the waking world.

**“There’s no way I’ll be solving this mystery over a night.”** I needed some time to think and plan what’s next.

_A few weeks passed…_

**“He was the chosen one of Andraste, as people of Haven have been calling him. A blessed hero to save us all.”** I was gazing at the breach when Arh ‘Wen questioned me about Maxwell Trevelyan.

**“He sounds dashing if you put it like that. Is he riding in a shining stead?”** She smiled. I don’t want to look at her because doing so will render me speechless again. Her face is beautiful with porcelain skin and lips that are full and red. Her eyes are tantalizing and glinting with mischievousness in par with mine.

**“I would have suggested a griffon. But sadly, they’re extinct. Joke as you will but posturing is necessary. I’ve journeyed deep into the fade in the ancient ruins and battlefields to see dreams of lost civilizations. I’ve watched as hosts of spirits clash to reenact the bloody past in ancient wars both famous and forgotten. And every great war has its heroes. I’m just curious what kind he’ll be.”** I finished explaining. I turned to her and saw her looking at the breach. She noticed me looking and smiled at me.

**“Would you tell more?”** I steadied myself and keeps myself collected and calm. I find my walls shattering whenever I was speaking to her. It’s just as simple as that. I’m just Solas to her.

**“Why?”** I quipped. What she would know about me? is this her spy working? No. she’s too innocent and delicate to be a spy. A princess. Yes. A princess that is locked away from the hurts of this world. She acts like a goddess. Her movements are refined to a fault. A noble upbringing, maybe. The way she stands. Confident and proud.

**“Is it wrong for me to assume that we are friends already? I respect you, Solas. And I just wanted to know you more. I will not insist if you can’t.”** The smile that was beaming was replaced with a frown and she looked away. “It’s just that you have said that you are an apostate. In that, you risked your freedom just by joining the Inquisition.”

**“It’s not the wisest course of action, yes. With the hole in the sky, no one is safe. I am sorry. With so much fear in the air…What would you know of me?” **

**“Hmmm—let’s start with where you are from? In exchange I’ll tell you mine.”** Arh ‘Wen was now smiling widely and like a child that was gifted with a treat. I chuckled and shook my head. I can’t believe this. How come she can make me smile even with question I don’t want to be answered.

**“I grew up in a village to the North. There was little to interest a young man, especially one gifted with magic. But as I slept, spirits of The Fade showed me glimpses of wonders I had never imagined. I treasured my dreams. Being awake, out of the Fade, became troublesome.”**

She was listening attentively that she had to close her eyes. This very odd creature. Do my origins that fascinating to her? A strange, awkward feeling started stirring me up. How can she influence his reaction so much?

**“North, huh? I haven’t known what direction my place is, but I can just describe it to you. Our place is full of towering trees. Very green grasses and a variety of flowers. On the corner of my house, is a pond where I can get some fish for food. Also, at night I don’t have to light any torch because the whole forest was illuminated with fireflies and the moon.”** I observed her and it seems she was remembering her home. A tinge of sadness can be felt while she was describing it. Her place sounds like enchanted. Where could she be from?

**“Did they tempt you, the spirits I mean?”** She asked, lips turning up in a small smile as she gazed at him.

**“No more than a brightly colored fruit is deliberately tempting you to eat it. I learned how to defend myself from more aggressive spirits and how to interact safely with the rest. I learned how to control my dreams with full consciousness. There was so much I wanted to explore.”**

**“That—that sounds magical, Solas. I wish I can control my dreams too.” **She looked away.** “And, by that, you didn’t spend your entire life dreaming?”** It’s rare to find someone who wanted to know so much about The Fade. And it’s a surprise that she envied him.

**“I’m sure you can control it too with practice of course. And no, eventually I was unable to find new areas in The Fade.”**

**“Why is that?”**

**“Two reasons. First, The Fade reflects the world around it. Unless I traveled, I would never find anything new. Second, The Fade reflects and is limited by our imaginations. To find interesting areas, one must be interesting.”**

**“Well, good luck with your venture.”** She said to me, peeking through her lashes.

**“Thank you. In truth, I have enjoyed experiencing more of life to find more of The Fade.”**

**“Is that so?”** She asked grinning. Oh, this odd creature. She is challenging me.

**“You practice very hard to have a great performance. The grace with which you move is a pleasing side benefit. You have chosen to let the people here in Haven, maybe all Thedas, feel at peace and happy because it is what you believe is right to do. Like me, an apostate helping to right the world.”**

**“You are saying that I am graceful?”** Arh ‘Wen asked, lips smirking. I felt my gaze heat. She does seem to enjoy flirting and I have more under my sleeves.

**“No. I am declaring it. It was not a subject for debate.”** I smiled at her, challenging her. Though this should not continue any longer, but I just can’t help myself. She brings the forgotten playful side of me.

**“Thank—thank you, Solas. You are quite attractive yourself. And I’m declaring it. No questions asked. Period.”** She mused at me biting her lips, without looking at me and fidgeting her fingers. She is so timid. I can now see how red her face and ears are. Just thinking how those lips will against mine, I felt myself blush. I can’t even remember when the last time I feel so free. I wanted to know more about her. I know there are still secrets she was keeping and I intended to discover it.

**“Well. Thank you, Arh ‘Wen.”** I smiled at her and held her hands. It’s very small compared to my hands. Delicate and sweet. That how she appears to me. I can’t pursue this. Whatever this is. I have my duty to our people. And I can’t see her just to be crashed in what will I do. She squeezed my hands back. We talked some more about my experiences with spirits, the fade and the courts I’ve attended. Then we retired, with smiles on our face.

_Months passed…_

It’s already a month since we left for the Hinterlands. We went to the Fallow mire to search for the missing Inquisition Soldiers. I just can’t help noticing that all the things the Herald do, were already planned. It seems he already knew where to look or is it just my imagination.

After rescuing the soldiers, we went to Val Royeaux to appeal to the Chantry but was denied the support of the templars. The Herald recruited an elf named Sera and attended a party to gain the help of this so called Madame de Fer. When we were about to depart the city, Grand Enchanter Fiona came to us seeking for a talk between her rebel mages and the inquisition in Redcliffe.

Before returning to Haven, we decided to go to Redcliffe but was welcomed with a very strange rift. Meeting the Grand Enchanter was very odd since she claimed that she never invited us in Redcliffe. We discovered that the Rebel mages were already indentured to a Magister Alexius.

We met this Magister and was directed by letter to Redcliffe’s Chantry and there we met, Dorian Pavus and it’s my first time encountering time magic. When everything was already settled, we travelled back to Haven.

On our way back to Haven, I saw a ruin mostly of human structure. I noticed a flower swaying gracefully with the breeze of the cold air. I remembered Arh ‘Wen dancing on the lake. I decided to pick some flowers for her. Not sure if it’s right to give her a flower, I hesitated but then I imagined her smiling at me with eyes glinting with pure joy. I picked some and applied a protection spell so it will not wilt.

_Arrival in Haven…_

I’m glad that we already made to Haven without any bandits attacking us. The travel back was very tiring because of Sera. After bringing my hart to the stables, I noticed that people in Haven were quite busy. When I looked towards my cabin, hoping that a certain person was anticipating our return. And there she is. From where I was standing, I can’t truly see her expression but when she looked away and hurriedly ran to her cabin, I know she was looking for me. Why does such small gesture make me happy? _You can’t have her you fool._ But why it’s so hard to stay away. I was hoping travelling with Herald will bring me some peace, but she always crept to my imaginations.

I bid goodbye to the Herald and went directly to the direction of my cabin. Before entering, I noticed a parchment posted near my door. It was an announcement that there will be a performance by the lake later this evening and a feast will follow in the Tavern for the celebration of the Herald’s arrival and his companions. It will be a busy evening it seems. I looked at Arh ‘Wen’s door. Contemplating whether to give her the flower or not. Let’s just give it to her and be done with.

I knocked to her door and heard her voice letting me. So careless little flower. I opened the door and saw her trying to braid her hair. I sighed heavily. What if it was not me who entered? So carefree.

**“You should not let anyone in your cabin, Arh ‘Wen. What if I’m an assassin?”** I reminded her. If my agents can only roam Haven freely, I could have someone look after her security. On that note, I already admitted to myself that somehow Arh ‘Wen crept to my heart and became important. This odd creature found its way to my heart without any effort. I waited for her to turn her gaze to me when I noticed that she became nervous all the sudden.

**“Speechless again, AArh ‘Wen? How many times did I rendered you speechless already?”** I beamed a smile at her and smirked when I saw her blush.

**“You are counting?”** Yes, I do. How many times is it now? Finding words that will turn her cheeks to rose-colored one was easy. The smallest compliment make her blush and I find it very endearing.

**“I saw the notice that you will be having a performance by the lake?” **

**“Yes. It’s in celebration of the arrival of the Herald and his companions. A feast will follow after in the tavern as the Lady Ambassador instructed.”** Then she turned her back at me. Still trying to braid her hair. Pitifully, that is. I find myself smiling to how she kept on trying but her hair wouldn’t follow.

**“WHY WON’T YOU DO WHAT I WANT?”** I chuckled and decided to help her. Complaints were regular occurrences to her, and I was always ready for her outbursts. It’s quite endearing when she was always biting her lips and curling strands of her whenever she’s uneasy.

**“Oh Solas, you are still here, I guess. Sorry for the outburst. Damn this hair just won’t be braided.”**

**“May I?”**

**“May I what?”** She was confused. I just smiled at her.

**“I used to do braids long ago, Arh ‘Wen. I’m not always bald.”**

**“I don’t want to burden you besides I know you are tired. You should rest. I will just call someone who can help me.”** This is one character of her I really find interesting. She doesn’t want to burden anyone. She’ll try to do it her own even if her life depended on it.

**“It’s no burden, Arh ‘Wen. Besides I like your hair and I missed our discussions this last few days.”** I explained to her. It’s of my great interest that I wanted to braid her hair. I settled the flower I was holding in the table in front of her. I wanted her to notice it. And now that she noticed it, I started combing hair. When I touched her hair, I can sense that magic was applied to it. Maybe a change in color or length of it. I sensed her aura very tight. She’s nervous and don’t know what to do, what of the fidgeting of her fingers. **“Is this really the color of your hair?”** I added. I can feel her tense when I asked about her hair. It is a secret then.

**“Maybe…Thank you for being so kind to me, Solas. How can I ever repay you?”** it’s so like her. I’ve known her for a few months only and I’ve been accustomed about her asking for repayment always.

**“You just have to do your best with this performance of yours and consider the debt repaid.”** I picked up the flower and handed it to her.

**“For me?”** I nodded smiling at her. She was curious about the flower.

**“When we are in the Hinterlands, we came across a ruin and when I saw this flower there, it reminded me of you.”** She’s now gazing at me with very happy eyes. Then I watched how her expression changed from joy to concern. Worry. Uncertainties. Then she stared on the flower like it’s her lifeline. There is something wrong. I lifted her chin to let her eyes gaze back at me.

**“What are you thinking about, Arh ‘Wen?”** I asked her. This is not like her. It’s like she has a burden she can’t carry anymore.

**“I’m---it is nothing for you to worry about. Thank you for the flower. What is it called?”** she answered me turning away her eyes. There is something wrong. But she doesn’t want to talk about it. And she’s becoming good in changing topics.

**“It’s crystal grace. The flowers are appreciated for their beauty as well as their medicinal value.” **Truly, it’s because I remembered her when I saw the flower swaying. I can still remember how graceful she danced that night. It was like it was specifically intended to be danced in front of me.

**“Thank you.”** I watched her blushing face and it brought smile to my face. Then she became frantic. “Wait here. I have to give you what I gathered earlier.” Where is she going? Then she returned with pouches in her hand still holding the flower on the other.

**“Here. Elfroot and royal Elfroot. For your potions. I thought that you needed more of it since Adan was a grumpy old man.”** Yes. Adan was a grumpy old man. Just like me. and then I notice that there’s several Royal Elfroot on the other pouch.

**“I appreciate the help, Arh ‘Wen. But pray tell, where did you get this Royal elf root? I have never seen one growing outside the gates or even the forest.”** I was now getting worried because going outside the gates of Haven is dangerous because a rift might appear out of nowhere. And I feared that she might get injured climbing steep hills around Haven.

**“Ummm—I have to climb a steep hill for me to get it. And oh my god, I forgotten to drink a potion.”** With her saying those words and turning back at me attempting to get a potion, I feared the worst. I immediately grabbed her wrist and sent my magic looking for any injuries she might have. I find myself very worried. Angry.

**“Are you hurt?”**

“**Little scratches here and there but I’ll just have to drink a healing potion and it will be gone.”** But looking at her smiling at me, I just can’t find myself angry towards her. All my panic disappeared with just a smile from her. I just shook my head in disbelief. I led her to a chair beside her bed and kneeled in front of her sending some healing spells to heal the scratches.

**“Arh ‘Wen, please be careful. And climbing steep hills are very dangerous.”** I reminded her.

**“Solas, I’m fine. It’s just scratches.”** I sighed and stood. I looked at her feet and noticed that she doesn’t wear anything for her feet.

**“Don’t you have any protection for your feet?”**

**“Uhhh—I think I forgot to tell the Quartermaster that I needed some. Besides I’m not accustomed wearing something on my feet.”** I heaved a very deep sigh. Sometimes her obliviousness will get her injured. I saw her wiggled her toes then looked at me. “My feet are always bare because I want to feel the earth under it.”

**“May I suggest you purchase footwraps. It is like what I’m wearing. It’s just like you are wearing nothing.”** Then I left her for a moment, going back to my cabin and fetching a spare footwraps. When I returned, I can see that she was about to cry, and I feel that I have hurt her by just leaving like that. I kneeled in front of her and gently wrapped her foot with what I brought. I don’t know if she knew what I am doing means. It was a very intimate gesture for the one you intended to court. I just remembered, we never talked about her being an ancient like me. I will just wait then for her to tell me and I hope I could tell mine too. After I was satisfied seeing my footwraps on her, I stood and held her hand to help her stand.

**“How do you feel?”** I mused at her smiling.

**“I—It’s like what you have said. Thank you, Solas. Thank you for this. Thank you for everything.”** She looked at me and was surprised by the sudden embrace from her. She was hugging me tightly like she doesn’t want to let go. I flushed and don’t know what to do. I calmed myself and find myself reciprocating the gesture. She is small compared to my height. If this moment could be frozen, I would have done it already. I kissed her forehead and smelled her hair. Rose and vanilla. I’m afraid. Truly afraid of what will this feeling will be. I better let go and distance away from her as early as possible. If not, I will find myself hurting her with what I planned to do. _She is not for you, Dread Wolf. She doesn’t deserve someone like you._ I will be content watching her smiling and happy from afar. That will be enough. Our moment of solitude was interrupted by a knock. I immediately let her go and I find myself blushing.

While she was talking to the messenger by her door. I slipped myself out her window and fade-stepped towards my cabin. I know she will be mad at me without even saying goodbye. I need some time to think. I changed my tunic and decided to proceed by the lake and do some meditation.

By the lake, I already found people taking their places around the lake. There’s a reserve place for the advisers, the herald and his companions.

I sighed heavily and it seems there will be no time for meditating at all, when I noticed Varric waving at me.

**“Chuckles? Where have you gone? The show is about to start, and we are just waiting for Princess to show up.”**

**“Master Tethras, to where I go is never your business. I just wanted to have time to meditate but it seems there will be no time for it.”**

**“Sorry to offend you, Chuckles but I thought you wanted to see Princess perform what with the time you are always spending with her during her practice time.”** This dwarf really gets on my nerves sometimes. And I know she treats Arh ‘Wen like his child and because of that I’m always the one receiving the unwanted teasing from him. I just sighed and noticed Arh ‘Wen walking towards us. With her red cloak donned on, I can never what she’s wearing underneath. _Stop going there, Wolf._ I calmed myself and straightened my posture. Then she passed by me and ignored me.

**“Master Tethras, good evening!”**

**“Princess… you are finally here. Chuckles here is excited about your performance.”** I just looked at her. Confused with how she’s acting.

**“Chuckles? I don’t know anyone with a name Chuckles, Master Tethras.”** The denial hurt but I can’t really fault her what of my exit earlier in her cabin. She led Varric and talked far away from me. If this is how the distance will feel, I better end this already. I can’t bear it any longer if she rejected me completely because of my past.

I saw her going towards the center of the lake and summoning little fade lights. Is that fade lights? I can’t feel any fade aura from it. I’m now seeing how different she is. Elvhen have this special connection to the fade but hers doesn’t. it doesn’t feel the fade at all. Questions keep flooding my mind. I never heard Varric announce that the show will start. I just looked at her and then she started singing.

_In your eyes, there's a heavy blue_

_One to love and one to lose_

_Sweet divide, a heavy truth_

_Water or wine, don't make me choose_

_I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night (night)_

_Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky_

_I've been running through the jungle_

_I've been running with the wolves_

_To get to you, to get to you_

_I've been down the darkest alleys_

_Saw the dark side of the moon_

_To get to you, to get to you_

_I've looked for love in every stranger_

_Took too much to ease the anger_

_All for you, yeah, all for you_

_I've been running through the jungle_

_I've been crying with the wolves_

_To get to you, to get to you (oh to get to you)_

When I heard the words, it pierced my heart instantly. It was like it’s for me. I looked at her hoping those will tell all the secrets she has. Is he talking to me using this song? Does she know the truth? I must ask her. Confirm it. Every word was full of emotions. Longing. Love. Sorrow. With her knowing, changes everything. in that moment, I was quite certain that I’m already falling deep. _But what if she doesn’t know and you tell her all about you and she despised you, wolf?_ I was busy thinking of the what ifs and nots, when I realized that she was looking straight to me. I can see her tears glistened in her cheeks. She is crying. I find my hands forming into a fist on my sides. Don’t cry. I said to her hoping it will reach her but it never. Then I realized that the song was already over.

She looked away and removed her cloak. I was dumbfounded when I saw the dress she was wearing. It’s just the same clothes during court celebrations in Arlathan. She was stunning. Her clothes hugged her body well. I wanted to cover her again and don’t let anyone gaze at her form. _She is mine._ Growled the wolf in me. Then I notice the footwraps and the way she looks at me, and then I knew, that she was mine. She glided towards our direction holding her cloak. She smiled to everyone. Never looking at me.

**“Lady Arh ‘Wen, you look magnificent.”** The advisers commented on her looks. Her look can’t be compared to noble women during Arlathan. She was more. She really looks like a goddess.

**“Lady Arh ‘Wen?”** I heard Maxwell called her.

**“Herald, I appreciate your time watching me perform.”** I observed the exchange and felt jealousy rise on my chest. I want to drag her away from Maxwell. _No, Wolf. She will never be yours._ Yes. She will never be mine. I’d rather distance myself to her than see her hurting. I walk the Dinan’shiral. My journey will just be full of death and I best not involve her with it. It’s better to die alone. It’s best for her to turn her feelings to other men like Maxwell or the Commander.

**“You look wonderful in that dress, my lady. Right, Commander?”** The commander seems uneasy with the teasing. Then I looked at the Herald and I’m still trying to restrain myself to drag her away from Maxwell. And then Maxwell looked at me, smirking. _Get your hands off her._

I know she noticed how I looked at them and she’s just doing nothing. Maxwell turned back to her and whispered something.

**“Go and dance, dear!”**

**“Hold this for me?”** He nodded and she glided on the ice.

I heard the music instantly filling the air around the lake. I caught my breath. The way she commands her magic was exceptional and fascinating. The magic was the same with song earlier. I can’t take my eyes off her.

_The day we met,_

_Frozen I held my breath_

_Right from the start_

_I knew that I'd found a home for my heart_

_Beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave?_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall_

_But watching you stand alone?_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

She moves with grace and full of longing and love. How she spins and bends her body to express every word were very exquisite and sensual in more ways than one. I gulped and found myself clutching my chest. Why does it hurt so much? She’s very close, but I can never reach her. I can never deserve her. I can’t be the one for her. But she will always be mine. I’ll risk everything for her to be safe not hurt. But why. _Why are you crying, Arh ‘Wen?_

True to the song’s words. I have waited for someone like her to appear in front of me. I have waited for someone who will see me as I am. And now she is here, I can’t have her. I never heard the song end because I was focused on her face. And the same with the earlier performance, I can sense that there is something wrong. The lights around her went out and I looked around the lake. I noticed the adviser’s and the Herald’s worried expressions. They waited for Arh ‘Wen to join them, but she never came. She was just standing there in the middle of the lake. I tried reaching her aura with mine. It was cold, distant and full of sorrow. I wanted to go to her, but Maxwell was already running towards her together with the advisers. I was interrupted gazing at her when Varric tapped my shoulders.

**“Come on, Chuckles. They have her. Needed a drink after that emotional show from Princess.”** He motioned him towards the tavern and I just went with it. It seems I needed a drink or two.

In tavern, the talk was mostly about the show by the lake. I’m sure the news will reach Orlais in just a day. And more eyes will be watching her. Her magic despite not coming from the fade was calling out to me. To fill the missing piece in her being. We settled on a table on the very corner of tavern.

**“Chuckles, you need to talk to her. She has too much. And it’s been building up, I just know. I don’t know how I can help her, but you can. Maker’s balls! The way she cried when she was dancing, it will never be gone from my mind. I will be haunted.”** He drank in one swig of his mug and looked at me.

**“It’s complicated, Varric!”** I drank it all and stood up. I must meditate on this. Everything’s complicated when it comes to loving someone especially someone like me. I wanted to go back to my cabin, but my mind’s keep on drifting on Arh ‘Wen. I must make it clear to her that this attraction between us was futile. It can never happen. If the song and the dance means that she cared about me, I believe I must end this now. I’m making her cry. Hurt. Maybe she knew something about me, and I needed to confirm it.

When I saw the advisers enter the tavern without Arh ‘Wen, I panicked. Then, Maxwell walked towards me.

**“Go to her.”** He tapped my shoulders and sat beside Varric. I turned away from them and exited the tavern. I almost ran to where she is. Finding her was easy since her aura was still clinging to mine. I’m still restraining myself to not let our aura mingle. I’m on my limit. Following the trail of her aura, I found her sitting on a tree stump, crying and trembling while holding her cloak. Then I heard her sing.

_If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?_

_If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?_

_If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?_

_If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?_

_I never know what the future brings,_

_But I know you are here with me now,_

_We'll make it through,_

_And I hope you are the one I share my life with_

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand,_

_If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?_

_Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

I stayed behind a tree. Listening intently on the song. My hands forming into fists trying to restrain myself. Her aura is too loud. Sorrow. Despair. Longing. Love. Uncertainties. Hesitation. And there’s the biggest one. Rejection.

I don’t want to hear rest of the song anymore. It hurt so much. Squeezing every fiber of my being. How can she affect me so much? This little odd creature.

**“Arh ‘Wen.”** I called to her. She turned around but she was avoiding my eyes.

**“Is there something wrong?”** I inquired. I walked towards her and kneeled in front of her. She just shook her head and didn’t answer. Instead of looking at me, she stared away. It hurts seeing her like this. I don’t know how to comfort her without hurting her.

**“Arh ‘Wen? I know there is something wrong. Are you hurt anywhere?”** I insisted and held her hands with mine. Just the thought of not touching this warm, gentle hands hurts too much already. How I’ll miss talking to her when I distance myself from her. Her scent on my nose. Her sweet smile. Her gentle, warm eyes. Her beautiful, enchanting voice. Her strong but timid personality.

**“No, everything’s fine. There’s nothing to worry about. Why are you here?”** I can still hear her trembling voice. I took a deep breath and let go of her. I know I have to be stern with her but always fails when it comes to her.

** “Everyone is worried about you. Me, included. And…”**

**“And?”**

**“And I just wanted to tell you, that the song was beautiful. You’re dancing abilities surpassed my expectations. All your emotions are shown with every movement. I was speechless for the first time.”** Telling her honest praise from her performance earlier was all I can think of. I know that she was confused as well.

**“Wow. I rendered you speechless for the first time. I’d like to do that again. If there will be a next time, of course.” **She joked with my remark. If she just notices my reaction, I’ve been rendered speechless many times already. Just seeing her smile and laugh. What is her meaning with _if there will be next time?_Will she be travelling away soon? _It’s for the best, Wolf._ I just looked at her and thinking of how I can let her go now that I was in too deep.

“**Do you know how to dance, Solas?”** Walking a few steps away from me, illuminated by the light of the moon and looking distant, she asked me. I stilled myself and find some words to answer her.

**“I have attended celebrations and was lucky to have been taught how to dance by my parents. Yes, I know how to dance but do you know what I know?” ** _Just stop, Wolf. This will never have a good ending. You are always alone. Deserved to be alone._ But how can I when she’s looking like that. I want her in my arms. Embrace her and protect her from anything. I’ll never find someone like her again if I let her go. The tension between us is rising that it’s makes it hard to breathe.

**“Hmm—Will you dance with me and find out?”** I walked towards her slowly studying every angle of her face.

**“I will be singing, and we are both dancing. A slow waltz will do.”** She explained and then I offered my hands to her. I’m surprised she knows about slow waltz. She is smiling at me like everything’s fine. But it will never be. It’s no point denying my feelings anymore. Her smile rendered me weak. Her right hand over my right. My left hand holding her by her waist. Her aura washed over me letting me feel the love and longing she’s been hiding for a long time. It’s overwhelming. And then I heard her sing softly that just the two of us can hear.

_If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?_

_If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?_

_If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?_

_If you're not for me then why do I dream of me as your wife?_

_I don't know why you're so far away,_

_But I know that this much is true,_

_We'll make it through,_

_And I hope you are the one I share my life with,_

_And I wish that you could be the one I die with,_

_And I pray in you're the one I build my home with,_

_I hope I love you all my life_

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand,_

_If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?_

_Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

Her voice was angelic. How many times did I dreamed for this moment? I never thought that I’ll her in my arms like. If this will be the last time feeling her close to me, then I’ll take it before I end this. I am happy that I have danced with her for the first and last time. I know she can see it in my eyes that I am overjoyed of our closeness that moment. She smiled and everything crashes down on me.

_'Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away,_

_And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today,_

_'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right,_

_And though I can't be with you tonight,_

_You know my heart is by your side_

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand,_

_If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?_

_Is there any way I can stay in your arms?_

My eyes went wide went on the last part of her song; she cupped my face in her small hands. Small, loving hands of a goddess. She’s talking to me through her song. I missed her so much when I was away and she’s my strength to go on. I know this wrong, but Creators help me. I’m in love with this woman.

I then felt her lips touch mine and my world that is gray turned colorful once again. Her lips were perfect. She was perfect. I hesitated for a moment but then gave up. I returned her kiss. The kiss was slow but full of love and longing. Our aura’s dancing together very happily. Like everything’s in the right place once again. She is his home, his heart. And there’s no place I’d rather stay but beside her. The puzzle inside me is now complete and my being is whole once again. We let go of each other’s lips. Breathing heavily. Touching my forehead to hers, I can feel how happy she is. How happy we are that we found each other despite the chaos around us.

**“I love you, Solas!”** This is the end. I must do my duty first to my people and I can’t burden her with his. I will be content remembering that we danced and kissed and heard her saying she loves me. It will hurt us both but it’s for the best. I can’t let this go on anymore.

**“I just want to let you know, that you are unique. In all of Thedas I never expected someone like you can draw my attention away from the fade. You have became important to me. More important than I could ever imagined.”** I hugged her tightly relishing how she smells and fits against my body.

**“As you are to me.”** she answered to me with such gentle and loving voice. _How can I let go?_

**“This is hard for me, Arh ‘Wen. I can never find the words that will never hurt you, but I must?” ** _How can I let go?_

**“Solas, I don’t understand.”** I let go of her and stood a few steps away from her. Confusion was apparent in her face. Her beautiful face will now be full of tears because of what I will say.

**“You don’t understand, Arh ‘Wen. I—I have a duty to my people. To restore what once was. To restore it I have to sacrifice what’s left of me and in doing so I can’t return your feelings.”** _Ar lath ma, Arh ‘Wen. Vhenan. Ma’ lath. Ma’asha._ I pulled back my aura tightly to my core and I immediately felt hallow. I looked at her wearing my usual cold mask. I can see her clutching her chest as if she can’t breathe.

**“Solas?”** I closed my eyes and turned my back on her. I can’t look at her at all. It’s taking every ounce of my spirit to just hold her in my arms.

**“I’m not giving up on you, my wolf.”** Even calling me her wolf is like an arrow that pierced my heart.

**“You should.”**

**“Whatever you need, I can help. Please, Solas. We can find whatever you need together.”** I have to do this.

**“No. You can’t help me. You’ll see.”** I walked away from her. I can still hear her calling out my name. But I don’t deserve her. It’s just right that I suffer since I let this happen.

Right there and then I lost my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ar lath ma - I love you  
Vhenan - heart  
Ma 'lath - my love  
Ma'asha - my woman
> 
> used this translator - https://lingojam.com/ElvenDAI


	5. And then she said goodbye...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping you are enjoying this story.
> 
> This is in Arh ‘Wen's point of view.
> 
> I do enjoy reading your comments. Thank you to those who read this.

**“No. You can’t help me. You’ll see.”** He said without even looking at me. I watched him walk away from. I’m still holding my chest that’s about to burst.

It hurts. It hurts too much**. **Where did this thing between us went wrong?

My knees gave away and I sat there on the snow looking at his figure until his gone. Is this how every rejection will feel? Is this how this world will repay for my help? I can’t even scream. For all the hurt I felt throughout my lifetime, this was the killer. Only two left.

Two.

I love him. I love him too much that I’m willing to risk everything even—even it means dying. I can’t stay here anymore. I stood up and washed my face with the now I was holding in my hands. I can’t feel anything. Everything is numb.

I have to plan for the worst. Knowing what the future events will be helps. Knowing his about to do something he will regret for all his life; I can’t just stand and watch him burn along with this world. I already found new life here and I was hoping to spend it with him but, alas, I will die first for my happy ending.

It was already dawn when I went back to my cabin. I peeked at his door. Wishing that any moment he will rectify all he said. But it never happened. I tried to reach him through my magic, hoping he will never notice. I just smiled that he was soundly asleep. Must be how he always act after all this time. Always so cold and distant. I can feel his hurt and regret of what he had done. Truly, there is no word that will describe how much hurt we both have.

Looking away from his cabin, I decided to go to Maxwell. Hoping he’s already up. I walked silently through the Chantry and knocked on his door. I don’t know how I look like. Maybe I look filthy because of the dried tears on my face.

He opened the wooden door. He looked at me with questioning eyes. And right there, I ran into him and clinging tightly on his coat. I broke down. He guided me inside his room and plopped on his bed wile hugging me. I can’t even hear him, but I can feel that he’s trying to comfort me. I cried and cried until there’s no tears left on my face. I wailed until my voice was no more. I can feel how angry he is.

It was already mid-afternoon went I woke up. And Maxwell is not around. I got up his bed and noticed there’s a basin of water by his table and a change of clothes for me. I washed my face and changed my clothes and went to look for Maxwell. Unfortunately, I can’t find him in the Chantry, so I have to go outside. Maybe ask Leliana where he is. Exiting the building, I felt the cold air of the Frostback Mountains hit my face. It was a welcome feeling. The numbness and hurt I felt last night lessened. After what happened between Solas and I, I will never find myself whole again. My heart broken into pieces.

Walking on the snow-filled road outside of the chantry, I can feel myself weak again. Really hoping I won’t see Solas. I haven’t seen Leliana in her tent so I decided to ready my things if I’ll have to leave this village as soon as I can. When I was about to enter my Cabin, I heard shouting coming from Solas’ cabin. That’s Maxwell’s voice. I dashed towards the door. Upon opening I saw Solas already on the floor holding his face. Bloody and swelling.

Maxwell haven’t noticed my arrival and keeps on chastising Solas to what happened to me. I can see in his face that he was also crying after that night. When Maxwell was about to hit him again, I decided to put myself between them.

**“Max, that’s enough!”** I shouted while tears are already falling from my eyes. I can sense Solas staring intently at me.

**“Arh ‘Wen, that is not enough. You have cried and wailed in my arms last night after I sent Solas to look for you. It’s his fault that you are so broken and wasted right now. So, tell me why I should stop?”** He shouted to me, while staring daggers to Solas. I can never stop Maxwell with his anger to Solas and it’s my fault that it came down to this. I never wanted for them to quarrel because me. I hugged him and let my tears fall damping his tunic. As my best friend, he became so protective of me. And I’m quite thankful for that but this issue regarding myself and Solas shouldn’t affect their goal. I don’t want to create a rift between the herald and his companions.

**“Maxwell, please stop. It’s not his fault. It’s never his fault and will never be.”** That stopped Maxwell from attacking Solas again. Maxwell held me by my shoulder and just stared at me. Looking deep into my eyes if it was the truth. I don’t care if Solas can see or hear me. It is the truth. The only truth.

**“I was looking for you because I have to talk to you about something very important, but you were already gone. Go. I’ll take care of this and will be looking for you by the tavern. I’ll explain to you later.”** I whispered to him with trembling voice. I gave him a small smile that everything will be alright, and he looked back to Solas and then exited the cabin. Really, I don’t want confrontation. I’m really proud to be smiling after the rejection last night but that smile was only mask. And the last thing I want was facing the one who holds my heart.

**“Solas, are you okay?”** I kneeled in from of him. Hovering my hands to his swelling nose and cheeks. He didn’t answer and instead stood suddenly making me step back a little.

**“Here let me help you. I know some healing spells that will lessen the swelling.”** Still not hearing any answer from him, I sighed and led him to his chair and summoned my magic to heal his injuries. He tensed a little and relaxed after few moments. I hope he doesn’t discover that I’m not connected to the fade. My magic uses my life core for its source. And using it, will mostly lessen how much time I have here in Thedas. I gazed at his face and found very red eyes maybe from too much crying last night. I don’t want to think about it anymore, if else, I have to be strong for both us. I’m sure there’ll be a time for us. Together.

When I’m finished healing his face, I sat down on the chair beside him. I looked at my feet and was surprised that I was still wearing his so-called footwraps.

**“You know, after all this time, you were always the one that’s supplying me with fade stories. Let me tell you one of ours.”** I can feel myself become small when I felt his intense glance at me. I take a deep breath and calmly started the story.

**“In our myth, as my mother always tells me, Clíodhna is a member of the Tuatha Dé Danann, the ancient race of god-like beings who populated all corners of my land before the mortals arrived. Specifically, she was the queen of the banshees or spirits, and a figure strongly associated with love and beauty. She had her home on the island called the “Land of Promise,” where she kept three birds who ate the fruit of a magical tree. When properly fed, her birds could sing songs so sweet that they could cure any ailment imaginable.**

**One day, Clíodhna met Ciabhan, a human who lived across the sea. The pair were instantly smitten, and despite Clíodhna’s seemingly-perfect and ageless life in her island, she resolved to leave in order to live a mortal life with her beloved. As she journeyed to be by his side, she stopped to rest one night in a harbor. It was there that the other old god-like beings made their feelings on her transgression known. A sea god had one of his minstrels play beautiful music, which lured Cliona to sleep. Defenseless, she was swept away by a powerful wave and drowned, never to reach Ciabhan’s side. And so, until this day, the strongest tide by that harbor was named after Cliodhna as a way of remembering the powerful force of nature that tore these lovers apart.”** I finished and the looked at him. I don’t’ know if he was interested hearing it but at least I will leave a single story to him before I move on and travel around Thedas. His gaze was distant, and I guess I will never see those loving and gentle eyes from him ever again. He’s deep thinking was interrupted when I stood up and walked towards his door. This is goodbye for now.

**“Solas?”** I called to him. I glanced at him and he was now looking at me. I smiled a little, hoping that somehow all of this was just a dream.

**“Arh ‘Wen?”** His voice was hoarse and rough to hear.

**“I—I deeply apologize to what Max—I mean the Herald has done to you. I never meant for this to happen. And it seems I pushed too hard.”** My eyes are so hot that tears are already forming and threatening to fall. He opened his mouth wanting to say something but failed to say it.

**“As I’ve said to Max, it was not your fault and will never be.” **Please just believe me.

**“I—I never intended to fall so deep. I already warned myself so many times but what can I say I’m more of a loving person than a logical one. I’m sorry again.”** I looked away because I don’t want him to see me crying again. I opened the door and before exiting, I said, **“Thank you for everything up until now. I will never forget you, mo mhac tire.”**

Immediately, I went to the tavern looking for Maxwell. Fortunately, I already stopped crying and found him talking to his inner circle. I greeted them and told Maxwell that we needed to talk privately.

Maxwell and I went straight to the war room since it’s the only private room here in Haven.

**“Is everything alright? Did Solas explained himself?”** He started.

**“Everything is alright, Max. Except my heart that is. But it will heal in time. Its jus I pushed him too hard. It was never his fault Max. It is mine.”** I explained myself but he is not finished yet. When he was about to chastise me because I was defending Solas, I put my fingers in his lips.

**“Max, relax. I’ll be over it soon. But to be over and find myself again I – I need to…”** I hesitated to finish the sentence because leaving them will also hurt me and miss them.

**“to leave.”** He finished. I stared to his eyes and smiled a little.

**“Yes. But before I leave, we will have to discuss what will be happening in the future. Let’s call a war council.”** He knew that when I decided on something, I will see it through.

**“Don’t worry you can talk to me anytime. Here, a communication crystal just like the crystal Leliana has. I’ll miss you Max but please understand that I have to do this. Even if I have to sacrifice myself just so this world will not burn, I will do it in a heartbeat.”** He hugged me. understanding what I should do must be done.

**“You don’t have to die, Arh ‘Wen.”** I shook my head.

**“If it comes to it, I’ll gladly do it. That’s my final decision, Max. Besides...”** I paused and thinking if I should tell Max about my life core. I sighed and took his hands and squeezed it.

**“Max, I have to tell you something. But first let me transform, I needed to show you something.”** He nodded and backed away from me a little.

**“Okay. Max, I’m dying.”** His eyes became wide.

**“Uhmm—how do I explain it. I’m not connected to your Fade. And where do I get my mana source. My life core is the very source of my magic. Every time I’m using magic, my life core will be diminished. So, I’m on a life counter.”** I explained to him. He was speechless and don’t know how to address his very concern.

**“Also, there’s this rule in my family and I have to quote it from my mother. _Love as much as you want but think before you decide that he will be that person. I was lucky your father never rejected my love for him. because, if ever it did happen, it will cost it our life. Rejections are like a death sentence to us, goddesses, once is safe, twice would be too much and the third one will be our death. Remember we don’t have enough worshippers left. Although we are immortal, we are losing our powers without worshippers. So, if ever you stumbled to another realm without any worshippers, we are destined to die. _So now, you do understand that I have to do whatever it is I have to do before its too late.”** I added, sighing deeply and smiling at him.

**“Rejection? Then, with Solas’ rejection, you only have two more and you’ll die?” **

**“Yes. I was hoping that what my mother told was just pure speculations but as you can see…”** I showed her my life core.

**“Before the rejection took place, it was much larger. And also, as I’ve noticed using simple spells doesn’t affect it but if ever, I have to use major spells, it will be most likely be diminished.”** I transformed back and was surprised that Maxwell was now crying. I embraced him.

**“Please keep this conversation just between us, okay?”** He just nodded and looked me in my eyes.

**“Thank you, Max. Go. Call a war council and we will discuss your next steps.”**

He went out the war room and fetched the advisers. After a half an hour, he came back advisers in tow. There we discussed the possible options to close the breach. I suggested recruiting both the templars and the rebel mages. I warned Max about the possible time travel in Redcliffe and the use of red lyrium on templars in Therinfal Redoubt. They decided to send a letter to certain templar named Ser Barris in Therinfal warning them of what was happening there.

Then, I discussed that after closing the breach, there will be an attack in Haven. I suggested preparing supplies and re-calibrating the weapons by the gate. I also told Maxwell that he needed to see this through for civilians of Haven to escape. I informed them about the escape only Chancellor Roderick knows. After that, I reassured them that someone from his inner circle will gave them a location for a possible stronghold for the Inquisition. I never mentioned about Max being the Inquisitor.

Next, is thwarting the summoning of an army of demons. I told them that a friend of Varric will help them stop the madness that will happen. I also let them know that they should look for possible locations of red lyrium in Emprise du Lion and Emerald Graves. I only gave them the major events that are important. Then, an invitation from Empress Celene will arrive, I told them. Josephine then jumped in excitement about this and everyone just rolled their eyes. Then finally, killing the one who is beyond all of this.

**“Maxwell, all of this should happen. Just by telling you this beforehand, will definitely change the outcome.”** I glanced to everyone around the war table.

**“I will be leaving Haven as soon as possible. Maybe a week from now.”** I announced. They have their questions apparent in their faces, but they waited for me to finish.

**“I’m sorry if I have to leave in an unfortunate time, but I have to do something important and it will require me to travel to every corner of Thedas. I don’t know if when will we meet again, but I promise I’ll be there whenever you needed me. Use the crystal I gave you Max or Leliana. I’ll always find time for you guys.”** I paused and smiled kindly to each of them.

**“Be strong, everyone. You will see this through, that I will promise you. It’s been an honor working with you.”** Then I went to Josephine and hugged her. I was smiling when I noticed a tear in her eyes. Then Leliana, and of course the ever shy Commander of the Inquisition. When I embraced him, he clearly doesn’t know what to do. “Just embrace me back, Cullen. I don’t bite.” Everyone laughed at him and he was blushing. I laughed and a tear fell from my eyes. I will miss this people. Lastly, I embraced Maxwell. My arms encircled in his neck. And he was lifting me a little and I’m sure he is memorizing every inch of me. I let go and bid them farewell for a while.

**“Back to business, Herald.”** I bowed to them and exited the war room.

_A week later…_

During this past few days, I never saw Solas or if ever we met by chance, we just greeted each other and that’s it. I know that the other members of the inner circle already knew what was going on. It’s quite obvious actually. Solas ignoring or avoiding my presence. Me, pretending he never existed. But in truth, seeing him and let the day pass by without even talking or looking at him, breaks my heart. Hurt me still. But I have to accept it. Deep down we know we love each other but it’s never the right time.

I busied myself with helping with the supplies for the civilians. Maxwell left for Redcliffe the day after I told him about my plans of leaving. Then returned just yesterday looking worst for wear. I comforted him and let him cry on my shoulders. I’m just glad that he was alive and no one in Thedas knows that a seer already predicted what will happen. I left him when he was asleep already.

I will be leaving this evening and without my other friends knowing that I was in fact leaving. I chatted with them in the tavern. Telling them stories I knew. They find it very unbelievable. Well, it is unbelievable since I was from another realm. I just laughed at them. I will miss every banter they throw to each other. When it’s time, I walked towards Maryden and told her that I will perform a song if she permitted me to. Maryden smiled at me and gave me her instrument.

When I went for a strum, the whole tavern went quiet. I looked around and smiled at the people that will always be apart of me. I know this song is not appropriate for that moment. Can I have a moment with my own? I just wanted this frustration I have been feeling since I was rejected. I’m not angry anymore. In fact, I was just angry to our situation, not to ourselves. Maybe someday our love will find a way.

I summoned some of my little fireflies. Then I started singing…

_On the first page of our story_

_The future seemed so bright_

_Then this thing turned out so evil_

_I don't know why I'm still surprised_

_Even angels have their wicked schemes_

_And you take that to new extremes_

_But you'll always be my hero_

_Even though you've lost your mind_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's all right because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's all right because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_Ohhh, I love the way you lie_

I noticed the advisers and Max entered the tavern and sat at the table in the center of the Tavern. I smiled at them and I looked back to my strumming. Spreading my aura to the whole tavern, I can feel each and everyone’s life core. Some are sad and experiencing grief. But a certain someone, got my attention. It was full of remorse, regret, love, longing, hesitation and pride. I glanced to that person and I was right. He was there. I never noticed him entering the building. When our eyes met, there’s this tingle in our life cores that shook us both. I took a deep breath to relax and find my composure. His gaze was so intense that it sent shiver to my spine. That night, I already know that he’s lying. I admire his strong resolve to let me go just to not hurt me. And that very moment, I already knew that we are both selfless. I will miss those very deep blue colored eyes. His warm calloused hands on mine. The taste of his lips over mine. I continued singing without averting my eyes from him.

_Now there's gravel in our voices_

_Glass is shattered from the fight_

_In this tug of war, you'll always win_

_Even when I'm right_

_'Cause you feed me fables from your hand_

_With violent words and empty threats_

_And it's sick that all these battles_

_Are what keeps me satisfied_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's all right because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's all right because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_Ohhh, I love the way you lie_

I ended the song in a whisper that even he can’t here. I returned the instrument to Maryden and thanked everyone for listening. I walked towards the table where Maxwell and his advisers are. I talked to them for a little while and told them that I’ll be retiring. Before exiting the tavern, I said goodbye to Varric, Sera, Blackwall and Iron bull except Madam de Fer, which is nowhere to be found.

When I was in front of my cabin. I looked back to Solas’ cabin and remembered every moment we shared just talking about the fade. I found out that there are places in Thedas where the veil is thin. He said that there are ancient artifacts that are used in strengthening it. I asked for a detailed map of those places and of course, his curious to where will I’ll be using it. I said that it was for my thirst of knowledge and besides I’m new to this place, so I have to be accustomed to its landscape. Well, the last part, I didn’t have to say. I remembered the few stolen moments where our hands were clasped together and just sitting in silence. The moments of him flirting to me and me to him. I laughed at myself remembering these things.

I went inside my cabin and fetched the footwraps he lent me. _I must return this to him before I leave later._ I reminded myself. I looked at the bag I requisitioned from Harritt. I double checked my things and everything is set. I left my cabin and knocked at Solas’ door. I waited and a few more moments, he was now standing in front of me. I was speechless again. Damn, eyes.

**“Umm—here!”** I handed him the footwraps he lent me.

**“I magically cleaned it and now returning it to you.”** I explained, averting my eyes. Instead I just look on my boots.

**“Arh ‘Wen?”** He called me. It seems it’s the only word he can say. I looked at him. My eyes meeting him. And all the hurt came back suddenly, my eyes watering instantly. I immediately looked away. I can see him hesitating. His hands wanted to wipe away my tears. I pushed my aura into him and looked in his life core. Love and longing and regret. Nothing else. I wiped my tears and looked at him again.

**“Can I hug you?”** He simply nodded and I was in his arms again. And I was crying again. Why does it have to be this way?

**“Thank you for everything, Solas. You’ve been a great mentor to me. Just remember there’s someone who will accept you for who you are and not your present. Your past is just a part of you your whole being.”** Still clinging to him and holding for my dear life, I felt him embrace me closer to his heart. His heart is beating wildly. He kissed my forehead and pushed me away from him gently.

**“I can’t thank you enough. I promise I will repay someday. Goodbye.”** I walked away from him and returned to my cabin.

When it was already midnight, I grabbed my bag and walked towards the stable. I was wearing a scout uniform as Leliana wanted me too. On the stables, I can see Maxwell.

**“Max?”** I called to him.

**“Can’t have you leaving without saying me goodbye.”** He smiled at me and I hugged him.

He led me to the horse that I will be using also there’s a scout that will accompany. They insisted on it since I can’t quite fully defend myself and I can’t simply just use my magic. The scout’s name is Jean. I slightly nodded to her and helped me get on the horse. When I was comfortable sitting on the saddle, I looked down to Maxwell.

**“Be careful, Sissy.”** He held my hands and squeezed it.

**“You, too. Be strong, okay? You know how to contact me. Just call me okay?”** I squeezed his hands back and he let go. The scout said that everything was already okay. And then off we go.

I looked back to Haven. The place where I started my life anew. A life full of excitement and rejections. I watched the landscape until I can’t see the lights anymore. I turned my eyes back to the road and this time hoping that I everything will be alright.

I’ll be back there someday, this I promise. But until then, please be safe, my wolf…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song was based on this video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYS70rhY_QU&list=RDwYS70rhY_QU&start_radio=1


	6. And he regretted...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for Solas' point view.
> 
> The next chapter will be posted maybe after this week. Got some things to do first.
> 
> Thank you for the persons who read this already and those people planning to read this.
> 
> I apologize for poor grammar.

I plopped myself to my chair, holding my head with both heads. I can still hear her calling me while I walk away from her. My heart felt like being trampled upon by a dozen druffalos. I never intended for this to happen. For her to be hurt. She’s been the only one who entertained my musings about spirits and the fade. The only one who understands and laughs on my poor attempts on jokes. The only unique spirit that might accept me my secrets.

And now she’s gone from me forever.

That night, I was so tired. Tired with everything. I wished I don’t have the duty to the people. I laid down willing myself to the fade but failing when Arh ‘Wen’s figure slouched to the ground and crying appeared in my mind. This is harder than I thought. I never knew I was crying when I felt it fall down my cheeks. It’s been a long time since I cried. The last time was when Mythal was murdered.

I didn't even notice that its already morning. My reverie was interrupted with a knock. I didn’t have the chance to open the door, when I saw Maxwell barging in and walking towards me, fist closed tightly. I sat up and never had a chance to stand up when I was punched in the face. I can feel the blood trickled my nose. I glanced at him angrily and was returned with a death glare. He knew. I didn’t expect the Herald to have high regards for Arh ‘Wen, but it seems I was wrong again.

**“What did you do to her?”** Holding me up by my tunic. I looked away because of the guilt and truth behind his anger. I deserve this since I hurt the most important person in both their lives.

**“I – I don’t...”** I never finished my sentence when another hit in my face came. I hit the floor, still trying to restrain myself. Has he ever thought that this was difficult for me too?

**“You don’t know? Maker’s balls, Solas. You were with her last night then I was woken up from my wonderful slumber by a hurried knock. And guess, who I found? Yes, it was Arh ‘Wen. So, broken and wasted. For fuck’s sake, You two are smitten with each other. Where did it ever go wrong? What happened out there that Arh ‘Wen cried and wailed until morning. She’s wishing she was never alive, Solas? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?”**

He was about to punch me again, when a frantic Arh ‘Wen came rushing in and placing herself between us. I should have expected it already. She stayed with the Herald crying herself out because of him.

**“Max, that’s enough!”** She shouted.

**“Arh ‘Wen, that is not enough. You have cried and wailed in my arms last night after I sent Solas to look for you. It’s his fault that you are so broken and wasted right now. So, tell me why I should stop?”** Yes. I was the reason she is broken right now. I’m too. Looking to her slouched form, makes it more difficult. I should’ve stayed away. Then she hugged her. I don’t want to see it, so I looked away. I was so angry to myself that this have to happen. That I have to push her away. I wanted to drag her away from Maxwell to lessen this jealousy that I feel right now. But then, I don’t have the right anymore.

**“Maxwell, please stop. It’s not his fault. It’s never his fault and will never be.”** I was stunned with her defense of me. _It was my fault not yours, Arh ‘Wen._ I wanted to tell her. Even if I hurt and broke her heart already, she’s still defending me. She’s so kind to a fault.

**“I was looking for you because I have to talk to you about something very important, but you were already gone. Go. I’ll take care of this and will be looking for you by the tavern. I’ll explain to you later.” **My jaws were tight when I heard that she slept with the Herald._ You don’t have the right anymore, Wolf. She’s not yours anymore._ I can tell that Max already calmed down with her reassuring him that everything is fine. I tried to sit down but I failed. Then I heard Maxwell exit my cabin, leaving Arh ‘Wen and myself alone.

**“Solas, are you okay?”** She kneeled in front of me and checked my injuries. I peeked a little to her face and found red and fluffy eyes. She hovered her hands over my swelling nose then the cheeks. I gasped when I felt her aura touched mine. I pulled back because I don’t want her knowing my feelings. I stood abruptly, her stepping back a little.

**“Here let me help you. I know some healing spells that will lessen the swelling.”** I can’t find any words to say to how she was adjusting to this situation. It became harder and harder to restrain myself from taking back everything that I told her, every second that passed between them. Fearing that my heart will betray me and just gave in to this wonderful creature, I remained silent the entire time. Me, being a stubborn ass, as she always put it, I just stand there trying to heal myself, ignoring her in the process. She sighed and hold by my wrist and led me to my chair. She summoned her spells trying to help me. I tensed. I observed how she commands her magic, but I can’t find any source of mana. The fade is the source of magic and will always be. Where is she getting her mana? Questions. Everything about her made me question even my existence and purpose here. She tried to peek through her lashes and look at me, then continued her healing. I can sense that she will try everything to make everything between us right.

**“You know, after all this time, you were always the one that’s supplying me with fade stories. Let me tell you one of ours.”** Satisfied with healing me, she stayed and sat beside me. Yes. There came no time for me asking her about herself. I barely know her and it’s the same with me. I am now doubting myself that after all my deliberations, she was not an ancient elf like me but just a mortal one. It doesn’t matter, just telling her a part of myself lifted one of my chains.

I don’t care anymore. Even if I have to leave her side, I have to assign one of my agents to protect her always. She’s my heart, will always be.

**“In our myth, as my mother always tells me, Clíodhna is a member of the Tuatha Dé Danann, the ancient race of god-like beings who populated all corners of my land before the mortals arrived. Specifically, she was the queen of the banshees or spirits, and a figure strongly associated with love and beauty. She had her home on the island called the “Land of Promise,” where she kept three birds who ate the fruit of a magical tree. When properly fed, her birds could sing songs so sweet that they could cure any ailment imaginable.**

**One day, Clíodhna met Ciabhan, a human who lived across the sea. The pair were instantly smitten, and despite Clíodhna’s seemingly-perfect and ageless life in her island, she resolved to leave in order to live a mortal life with her beloved. As she journeyed to be by his side, she stopped to rest one night in a harbor. It was there that the other old god-like beings made their feelings on her transgression known. A sea god had one of his minstrels play beautiful music, which lured Cliona to sleep. Defenseless, she was swept away by a powerful wave and drowned, never to reach Ciabhan’s side. And so, until this day, the strongest tide by that harbor was named after Cliodhna as a way of remembering the powerful force of nature that tore these lovers apart.”** I just listened to her voice retelling one of their myths. I never known this kind of myth. For all the knowledge I’ve known, this is the first time hearing about this Cliodhna and this Tuatha De Dannann. Is it like the Evanuris then? I have so many questions to ask her about this myth but as hard as it is, my voice never came out. I gazed outside my window, thinking and keeping myself calm and restrained. I was surprised when she suddenly stood up, maybe irritated since I’ve been silent.

**“Solas?”** Calling my name, with such sweet voice, I looked at her and she smiled at me. I find myself wanting to answer it. This will be the last time.

**“Arh ‘Wen?”** As much as I wanted to say more, I can’t.

**“I—I deeply apologize to what Max—I mean the Herald has done to you. I never meant for this to happen. And it seems I pushed too hard.”** Her tears were already forming ang threatening to fall. I wanted to hold her against me and rewind time. I tried to say something, but my voice fails.

**“As I’ve said to Max, it was not your fault and will never be.” ** _No. it’s not your fault. It was mine all along. I can’t let you chastise yourself about this. The decision is mine and mine alone._

**“I—I never intended to fall so deep. I already warned myself so many times but what can I say I’m more of a loving person than a logical one. I’m sorry again.”** Everything I’ve said to you last night was all true. If could just ignore my duty, I would have done it already. She looked away to me, my hands reaching for her. Wanting to stop her from leaving and then she said, **“Thank you for everything up until now. I will never forget you, mo mhac tire.”**

I watched her leave my sight. Her absence left me so hollow. My heart gone forever.

_Days passed…_

I returned to my normal activities, researching for a way to strengthen the veil for an extended time. I can’t have it falling while the creature who stole my orb was at large. I expected my orb to kill whoever has it, but it never goes according to plan.

I spent most of my time reading tomes, helping Adan with potions and dreaming in the fade.

I tried finding Arh ‘Wen in the fade, and it seems her presence barely touches, or she doesn’t dream at all despite being a mage. I wanted to know more about her, does clinging to hope that even in dreams I can still watch her from afar but to no avail.

I decided to avoid her as much as possible or don't even interact with her, giving herself and myself the space and time we needed to heal. However, every single time that I caught her passing by, I immediately looks away or even resigning myself towards the forest outside Haven, then coming back later in the evening where the streets where are almost empty. But sometimes, I can see her gazing at the moon with sorrowful eyes. I wish I know what she’s thinking. What those beautiful but sad eyes gazes upon. How it will pierce my very soul.

Then came a time, that Maxwell should go to Redcliffe for the Magister’s invitation. There we experienced time magic again, sending Maxwell a year ahead. He reiterated every single detail about what happened except one thing. Arh ‘Wen’s.

It was of important note that, this Dorian Pavus helped creating this time magic with Alexius. Maxwell and Dorian were sent through a rift. They landed on a room full of cells and found every member of the inner circle experimented with red lyrium. They also found the Grand Enchantress already consumed by Red lyrium itself. With her dying breath, Maxwell was informed that Leliana was also there being tortured. Also, that after the Herald’s death, there will be the assassination of Empress Celene and an army of demons. Maxwell and Dorian also said that during that time, the veil was already gone, and the breach was everywhere. In order to turn back time, they needed to kill Alexius and use the amulet he had to return to the original time.

Despite being angry with me because of Arh ‘Wen , Maxwell still wants me to know the details about her during the time leap. Maxwell reminded me that the report was not included to the one he sent for the advisers. Taking my time reading the report, I find myself breathing heavily.

It’s said in his report that Arh ‘Wen came to Redcliffe a month after the Herald’s disappearance, offering herself just to let the whole inquisition be spared from torture and experiments. They tortured her. Experimented on her. The magister knew her origins and abilities. Everyday and every night. She was locked up near the cell where I, the future Solas, was kept. I never recognized her that since she was not in her usual appearance. Every time she was brought back to her cell, she became weaker and weaker. And until the day, Maxwell and Dorian came, she freed her and ran to my (Future Solas) cell. It said in her final moments with me, she was smiling and cupping my face, saying that she will always love me even if she had to turn back time and sacrifice herself again and again. Arh ‘Wen’s death triggered my abilities that were almost forgotten in time. I used all my mana until my despair and grief were spent but it will never bring her back. In the last moments of the future Solas, he told Maxwell a message to the past me. _Let her in. _

Crumpling the paper and turning it into ash, doesn’t alleviate my suspicions on Arh ‘Wen’s origin and magic. And what does _Let her in_ means. I felt relief after burning the parchment, thinking that all those events will never happen this time. I will make sure that Arh ‘Wen’s safe, even from afar.

Upon arriving to Haven, we are welcomed by shouts from the villagers. There were the advisers by the gate. I gazed through the crowd hoping that Arh ‘Wen was around and there she is. Waiting for her moment to greet the Herald. Feeling relieved that she was looking good and healed, I turned towards my cabin, planning to sleep.

I woke up early that evening feeling famished. I beelined towards the tavern to fetch some food and immediately return to my bed to rest some more. This will be the only time that I can rest, because in a week they will be closing the breach, hoping that it will be enough this time.

In the tavern, I was ambushed by a very angry dwarf and qunari. I was dragged to their table and offered with a mug of mead.

**“I deeply apologize, but I have to do something important and I don’t have time for this. I am just going to fetch some food and will be gone.”**

**“Wrong answer, Solas.”** The iron bull said to me looking at me. I stared back never backing down from the challenge.

**“Chuckles, you see, Princess was like a daughter to me. And I just noticed that ever since that night after her show by the lake, everything between you and her went wrong. So, tell me, WHAT IN THE MAKER’S BALL HAPPENED?”** I glanced to Varric.

**“Nothing. Nothing happened, Master Tethras.”** I was about to stand up when Bull dragged me back down.

**“Try again, elf.”** I sighed, I sat up straight, and found myself drinking the mead. It was rough to the throat.

**“I don’t have to explain myself to the both of you. So, please excuse me, I have to be ready for the closing of the breach.”** I then dropped the mug so loud on the table that the tavern went silent. With that they let me go and looked around.

**“Pardon my behavior, gentlemen. Have a good night!”** Exiting the tavern, I decided to walk outside the gates to meditate.

Finding the place in the forest where we danced, I closed my eyes and tried to remember that perfect moment and all frustrations I feel was gone. It still hurts seeing her, but never talking to her, never receiving smiles from her. It’s hard very hard. How can a single creature complicate things for me?

Finding my way through the fade was as easy as breathing for me. Now, I must charter the places where the veil was already thin and spread my agents to locate more artifacts to strengthen it temporarily. I was deep in thought, remembering the time Arh ‘Wen and I were discussing about the places I traveled. She asked me for a map and taught her where to look for ruins so that whenever if they have the time they can travel together and dream there. But it will never happen this time. Noticing the arrival of one of my agents, I ordered her to watch Arh ‘Wen’s every move. I needed to know her origins as much as possible, so I can device a plan to protect her. Then another agent, I tasked in locating other ancient elves in slumber. After some time, planning in the fade, I willed myself to wake and went back to my cabin.

Passing by the Tavern, I heard a familiar voice above all else among the crowd. Leaning on a wall with not so much light, I waited for her to sing. I just can’t help myself missing how her voice sounds.

_On the first page of our story_

_The future seemed so bright_

_Then this thing turned out so evil_

_I don't know why I'm still surprised_

_Even angels have their wicked schemes_

_And you take that to new extremes_

_But you'll always be my hero_

_Even though you've lost your mind_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's all right because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's all right because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_Ohhh, I love the way you lie_

Why does she have a song always fitted to every single moment? I gazed at her, focused on fiddling her instrument. I watched her eyes roam around the tavern as if looking for someone. She smiled, hoping that it was for me. I closed my eyes and let myself open to her. Then her magic found mine. Without saying anything, we can still feel each other’s emotion. I opened my eyes and found those beautiful deep blue eyes staring back at me. There’s a tingle when our auras collided. It sent shiver to my spine. There’s desire, hope, love and longing in her eyes. I felt something build up on my very being. Just looking at her eyes, very understanding eyes, will make my heart double over. I can’t find myself averting from her gaze.

_Now there's gravel in our voices_

_Glass is shattered from the fight_

_In this tug of war, you'll always win_

_Even when I'm right_

_'Cause you feed me fables from your hand_

_With violent words and empty threats_

_And it's sick that all these battles_

_Are what keeps me satisfied_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's all right because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's all right because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_Ohhh, I love the way you lie_

She ended her song with a whisper as if telling me it to me. _I love the way you lie. _Ar lath ma, Arh ‘Wen. Whispering it on the air, hoping it will reach the receiver.

Satisfied hearing her voice once again, I went back to my cabin.

I was remembering her songs, when I was surprised by a knock. _Who would it be this time?_ I sighed. Waiting for another knock, I stood up and donned my usual tunic. I hurriedly opened the door, telling myself that if it’s Varric or even The Iron bull, I’ll just close it again.

There was no Iron Bull or Varric, there was Arh ‘Wen, standing and looking straight at me. I was stunned and can’t even say a word. I restrained myself from letting her inside, opening my mouth to say something, but then no words came out. It seems I’m always out of words whenever I see her. I looked at her hands holding a set of familiar footwraps.

**“Umm—here!”** She handed it to me.

**“I magically cleaned it and now returning it to you.”** She explained hurriedly, looking away from me. Why would she return it to me? I already gave it to her. Does she want to forget me completely? _Fool. This is to be expected, Wolf. You rejected her, remember._ Hoping that it was not the reason she’s returning it to him.

**“Arh ‘Wen?”** I called her name. Her name is like a sweet cake that I can’t get enough with. She gazed back at me and water in her yes starts building up. I wanted to wipe it away. My hands acting instinctively. She’s crying. Please, don’t cry, my heart. Feeling her aura asking for permission to enter, I opened my own. I hope she saw what my feelings are. 

**“Can I hug you?”** Letting my restraint go, I simply nodded, and she dived right in.

**“Thank you for everything, Solas. You’ve been a great mentor to me. Just remember there’s someone who will accept you for who you are. Your past is just a part of you, your whole being.”** Holding her in my arms again was just like a dream, a fleeting fantasy. Is she a spirit tempting me, but no. We are on the waking world now. She is real. Everything about her is real. She embraced me like it was her lifeline, and without thinking, I returned it back. Hugging her tightly, closer to my heart that’s beating so loud. I wanted for this moment to last but just like last time, I have to let go. Kissing her on her forehead, feeling and smelling her for the last time, I reluctantly let her go.

**“I can’t thank you enough. I promise I will repay someday. Goodbye.”** She said with finality in her voice. She closed her aura and I can’t read hers. These words she spoke was like she’s leaving and never coming back. Trying to look for answers in her eyes, he reached for her hands, but it was not there anymore. She already walked away from him and returned to her cabin. I was left with questions. Confusion. Still holding the footwraps she returned, he waited and waited for Arh ‘Wen to emerge from her cabin but to no avail.

And in that moment, I regretted everything that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYS70rhY_QU&list=RDwYS70rhY_QU&start_radio=1


	7. And she traveled (part 1)...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I had some health issues causing some delay with the next chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this new chapter.
> 
> Comments are very welcome! Your continued reading keeps me going...

Traveling without even knowing where to go was my greatest handicap. I mean, what could go wrong? My only reference of the places here in Thedas was the map from Solas, where mostly places where the veil is thin, and the other one was from Leliana, which was quite detailed actually.

I haven’t told them about what I’ll be doing since many major events have to unfold themselves. According to what I saw that will happen in the future, the greatest threat that Thedas will face is the removal of the veil and this world burning into chaos and war. With this knowledge, I could devise a way to lessen the damage to this realm’s population including all races and plants and animals alike. And since I don’t even know the exact time that that disaster will happen, I have to move now.

Traveling on snow covered paths towards Redcliffe was a very beautiful sight. There were trees and plants I haven’t seen before, animals too. Clearly, I’m not paying attention to my surrounding when suddenly Jean shouted.

**“Stop, Lady Arh ‘Wen!” **

**“What? What is it?”** Looking around us, I spotted shadows coming from the woods.

**“Bandits.”** She immediately dropped down from her horse and waited for the bandits to come out. It’s not a long fight since I think they were just amateurs or maybe Jean was just strong. After the fight, I ran to her and found some minor injuries.

**“Thank you, Jean. I’m glad you are with me. If I was alone, I’d be dead already.”**

**“No thank you necessary, Lady Arh’Wen. It is but my duty besides the Herald and Sister Nightingale will have my head if I let you get injured.”**

**“Oh hush, you! And it’s just Arh’Wen to you. No lady. I’m not a lady though I’m currently wearing a dress right now. Here, let me heal you!”**

**“A potion will do just fine, Lady—I mean Arh’wen.”** I sighed and shook my head. I rummaged my pouch for a healing potion and handed it to her. “Here you go. Maybe we should find a safe place to camp? You needed to rest besides I need to nap for a while. I haven’t got enough sleep before we left.”

**“I’ll scout over there and will be right back if I found a decent spot for camp. Will you be alright alone?”** I nodded and she went a few meters away from me and secured the area. When it was already secured, I laid down our cots and I tried to take a nap.

**“Goodnight, Jean. Wake me up after 2 or 3 hours okay? Then we will continue on.”**

I laid myself comfortably on my cot. Rummaging through my things, I grabbed the flower Solas gave me, holding it in my hands carefully. _I wonder if I could will myself to the fade. And maybe meet him there?_ A tear fell from my eyes, remembering him. His eyes and smile. Then all of his image gone when I drifted to sleep.

I don’t know if how much time passed since I slept but I already feel invigorated. When I looked around, I was in my realm. Towering trees and the usual flowers and my house. I sobbed knowing that I was dreaming my world, when I tried to change it, I was then transported to a place with floating green rocks. I tried to walk towards a familiar place from the distance, but I was immobilized. I tried and tried until I can feel my head already bursting from so much ache.

**“Where am I?”** I looked around, hoping that someone can help me. I can’t feel my body anymore.

**“You shouldn’t be here. This place is not so welcoming to foreign creatures such as you.”**

**“I’m sorry if you could just help me, I’ll be leaving this place in an instant.”** I gazed at a being that looks a lot like a spirit. Then it all clicked, I was in the fade. But how?

She or he looked at me. Observing or it might be reading my thought.

**“I promise, I don’t even know how I came to be here. And oh my god, my head is hurting so much. I—I can’t…Please..”** I was already on my knees holding my head with my hands. Its throbbing so much that I can’t here the spirit talking anymore. I closed my eyes wanting for this to be all gone, when the spirit touched my hands and guided me to stand up. When I opened my eyes, I was already standing on a floating palace. There were floating spires and beautiful trees. I was in awe of the place.

**“Where am I?”** Still holding my head, trying to heal myself.

**“You are in Arlathan, little Goddess. The Arlathan of the Old.”** I looked to the spirit.

**“How? I shouldn’t be connected to the fade but how?”**

**“Yes. You are not connected to the fade. You are simply here. Physically. You should not linger here. The guardian of this place is not so kind to trespassers.”**

**“How can I?” **

**“Imagine yourself back to the waking world. That’s what you are doing before waking up here right? Go on, little Goddess. I’m sure we will meet again someday.”** Then the spirit disappeared leaving me very alone and afraid in this foreign place. I followed the spirit’s instruction and imagined I was back in my cot. I tried and tried but my headache became so intense, that I was kneeling again, sending some healing spell on my temple to ease the pain a little. But it was to no avail.

**“Arh’wen?”** Someone called my name. A very familiar one. I tried to ignore it and focused on getting out of this place when my head was started to be light. I’m fainting, that I know. I’m truly not welcome here. Even this place rejects me.

**“Arh’wen?”** I followed the voice and looked up. Then I saw his face. the face I can’t even forget. Why does he keep on tormenting me?

**“Arh’wen?”** He was now closer and standing a few steps away from. His voice full of concern and worry. His usual donned mask was gone.

**“Solas?”** I whispered. I don’t even have the energy to be happy anymore. Looking at his eyes, telling me he was so worried and happy to see me in his favorite place, I reached out to him. stretching my arms towards him. Then I felt a liquid coming from my nose. I touched it and examined. I’m having a nosebleed. This place wants me out.

**“Solas?”** He then ran towards me and held my face with his hands. Trying to make what the situation I was in, he said, **“What are you doing here? I—I don’t understand.”**

**“Solas? Please, I don’t have the time to explain myself. can you help me? It seems that this place rejects my very whole being. I don’t even know how I come to be here. I was just sleeping peacefully on my cot then when I woke up, I was back in my world. Then a very bad headache came. A spirit helped me escape from a place with floating green rocks then I was transported here. Then I saw that floating spires, and my nose is bleeding. Sorry, I’m rambling.”**

**“Rejects you? How? A spirit?” **

**“Really? If you won’t help me, then I’ll just die here. This place rejects me. You rejected. Nobody wants someone like me.”** Solas holding my face, saw how everything of that moment was very true.

**“No. Arh’wen. Please don’t say that. I—I care—”**

**“No. Stop right there. You – you can’t just say that to me because I’m dying here in front of you. You can’t. When you wake up, everything will be alright. Like something, me talking to you in the fade never happened. This will be just a dream to you. This will be just something your mind made up. I—I’m not asleep Solas. The spirit told me I am here physically. Please, I need your help. My body can’t take this anymore.” **Holding me closely to his arms and clinging me tightly as he could, I can feel how much he regretted. I hugged him back ignoring how much the pain in my head was. Ignoring how much blood was oozing from my nose.

**“Arh’wen, if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up. The things about the fade were never simple. You being here was an impossible feat for a person with no connection to the fade. Please, I deeply apologize about the things I’ve said, but you have to understand that I have to do my duty first. I know this thing between us shouldn’t be. I know I don’t even deserve a single ounce of your feelings for me, but as selfish as I am, I can’t let you go. I have tried and tried. Everytime. I can’t give you any assurances that I won’t hurt you in the future but this I promise, that I will do anything to keep you from harm even from myself.”**

**“I appreciate it, I really do, Solas. But,”** Pushing him gently away from, looking in his very worried face, I cupped his cheeks, letting my aura say what unspoken emotions I have.

**“I already forgiven you. I pushed too hard and I ripped what I sow. I love you with all of my being, but I have to do something important first. I hope someday we will be together. I might not be ale to help you in your plans so I will stay away as far as possible. I will not burden you. Just know that I’ll always understand you, everything you do and about to do. I’ll always care and love you even if we are far apart. Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl. I can handle myself. So, will you help me out of here? I might die, if I don’t remove myself from here.” **

**“I find myself questioning more about your origins, but I guess we don’t have much time. I can’t let you die. I don’t know how I will take it, Arh’wen.”** Helping me standing and let our foreheads touch, I can feel his magic working on healing me and giving me enough magic so that I can get away from there.

**“Thank you, mo mhac tir! I know you want to know where I am and what I’m doing right now, but I can’t tell you for now. Just trust me.”**

**“I can’t really insist for answers right now. The important thing is, you will be safe. I have given you enough mana for you to get out of here. I don’t really know what came to your head and how did you find yourself in the fade, but I will research on it. Please be careful.”** Gazing at me with very loving and gentle eyes, I kissed him lightly on his lips and he returned it with fervor. Even if I die, I will die happy, knowing that he accepts me, cared for me. that will be enough.

**“I should be the one helping you. You have already the burden of the world upon your shoulders, I can’t add to that. Promise me you’ll be safe?”** He let go of my lips, missing already the feeling. **“I can’t promise that, but I will try to stay alive and for the time that I can already set aside everything. Go, you don’t have much time. Think that you are waking to where you are right now.”** Kissing my knuckles and holding it tightly to him, I can feel myself drifting away again. I felt my eyes closing and can’t hear a sound anymore. Only a whisper from him, **“Ar lath ma, Arh’wen.”**

I woke up, without Jean around. Then I was surprised to a very exhausted scout running towards me.

**“Arh’wen, where did you go, I can’t find you anywhere. It’s been what – 3 hours? I came to wake you, but you were gone. I—I….” **

**“Shhh… Stop, Jean. I’m sorry. In fact, I don’t know where I’ve gone too but I don’t want to go back there again.”** Shaking me a little, I can feel my head aching again. “I’m sorry. I really do. I just—stop shaking me, Jean.”

**“Sorry, I’m just worried. I will not ask for the details, but you have to tell Sister Nightingale about it. Truly, Arh’wen, I’m was afraid you were kidnapped.”**

**“I wish I could tell you where I was, but you’ll find it very unbelievable. Maybe we should get going?”** With that, she sighed and shook her hand. I packed up our cots and Jean got our horses ready.

We also made time to get some supplies from the Crossroads. Without any trouble along the road, we arrived at Redcliffe almost at sundown. There we decided to spend the night in the Gull and Lantern.

**“Hi, I would like a room please, with two beds, if possible.”** I was Jean heard me and walked towards the counter.

**“Lady—Arh’wen should we get two rooms instead?”**

**“No. Is there something wrong with staying in the same room? With me, Jean? Besides I need to thrift how much we have. There are also two beds in that room. Come on don’t be shy, Jean. I’ll ask for a tub and water. We really need to get cleaned up.”**

The next day we immediately traveled towards the Dwarfson’s Pass. From there, we will be traversing the path until we arrive to Lothering.

It’s been two days I think since we left Redcliffe and we’re only a half day’s ride to Lothering when we encountered another group of bandits. Fortunately, we were near an Inqusition camp so the fight was only short, but some soldiers have major injuries. While there, I made use of my healing spells and helped healing the wounded soldiers. Although my healing abilities were sloppy, I hope I still helped in a way. After restocking supplies and saying goodbye to the soldiers in that camp, we continued to travel towards Lothering.

Lothering was a small town with its chantry in the middle of the town and a few merchant’s stalls. Wandering around the busy streets, I just can’t help but notice how inferior the elves are during this time. _No wander Solas wanted to save them._

It’s only a day since we arrived in this small bustling town, but I already found myself, scolded by chantry clerics. That was because I was defending elven children from being manhandled. Elves they may be, they were still children. Humans were the priority in this world, and elves were only fitted for slavery. I caused a little commotion by the Chantry, when Jean spotted me. I whispered “sorry” to her and proceeded on confronting the cleric apprehending me. After the commotion was solved, Jean fetched me and was dragged towards the Tavern and then to our room, with the elven children in tow.

**“What have you done now, Arh’wen?”**

**“Umm—you see I’m not a fan of racial discrimination. And it’s not only discrimination these children experienced, abuse and harassment, name it. I can’t even include those elven slaves that were adult just accepting how they were treated. Then I thought it should end already. We are all living being with a heart, same number of limbs, we all bleed. I just can’t stand there doing nothing. These were children, we are talking about, Jean! How can anyone let these happen to them?” **I explained and trying to still my voice. Looking at me, Jean already knew that if I wanted to do something, I will not be convinced to do otherwise.

The time we spent in that small town, if not quiet, I was always in trouble. I just laughed at Jean whenever she’s arguing with a chantry sister instead of me. I just can’t avert my eyes with what’s happening to children there.

_5th day on the road_

It will be only two days before the breach will be finally closed permanently. I should contact Leliana and Max, but I can’t find the courage to talk to them. _What will I say to them? Are they even worried about me?_ I can’t be thinking like this. It’s not good on my head and heart. _And Solas, does he know already that I’m gone? Is he even concerned about my departure?_ Too many questions but answers always escapes me. my musing was cut off when a very serious Jean appeared in my room. With all my plans in place, I don’t want Jean to be aware of it yet. I need her to go back to Haven. It will likely take a lot of convincing and some lies but I can’t really bring her with me.

**“Jean, I need you to go back to Haven for me.”** She was then surprised with that.

**“What? What do you mean? You know that Sister Nightingale will kill me if I leave you.”**

**“No. She will not. I—I already told her.”** I lied. Naturally, she will dispute my claim on this, but I really can’t let her come with me. “You are most needed in Haven. I know you will not believe me but please just this time, for me. I want you to look after Leliana and everyone there.” I looked at her seriously and I know she won’t believe the things I will say to her, but I have to. **“Please, Jean. For me? I – I can’t tell you the whole detail, but I know something big will happen after the Herald closed the breach. I don’t know what, but I can feel it. Please, Jean. You still have time. Please!”** Holding her hands on my own, I pleaded to her.

**“I understand but how about you. You can’t even defend yourself Arh’wen! I can’t just leave you traveling alone… I –I can’t…”** Hugging her tightly now to my chest, I stopped her from rambling.

**“I can manage and take care of myself, Jean. You’ve been a great friend and traveling companion. I promise I will stay safe as long as I can. Besides, I’ll be contacting Leliana and Max—I mean the herald. Don’t worry okay?”** I let go of her.

**“You should go now. They will need everyone for this ordeal. Please take care of Leliana and Max for me.”** Looking directly to her with teary eyes, she just nodded and gathered her pack.

**“Please, be safe, Arh’wen. Promise me? I know you have your reasons for not telling me the whole truth but I believe you.”** I nodded and watched her leave our room. With that settled, I waited for the next day to come. For tomorrow, I will be traveling alone, towards Ostagar.

Early in the morning, I prepared everything I will be needing during my travel. Anxious on what will happen to me on the road, my thoughts brought back memories of my time with Solas. Talking about his adventures on different ruins. I wish I could find some ruins along the way.

All ready, I departed Lothering with my horse and trudged towards the road going to Ostagar. This will be a boring adventure without any companion. Looking around me while my horse was trudging happily on the Imperial Highway, I can feel at peace. Relieving memories, I spent with everyone back there in Haven. Friends I made. The love that I found. The duty that I have to see through.

I have to help him and save him from himself. If he continues in this path, he will destroy everything that matters to him. I have to do something before it came to that.

With that I have to talk to someone who knows this world more than him. according to my vision, he talked to a woman, I think she’s called Flemeth. I have to talk to her and in some way convince her to help me with my plan.

Before the sun set, I found a decent place to camp. I laid out my tent and cot and started a small fire. Eating a small amount of jerky that I bought earlier. After eating, I decided to sleep already when I heard steps not too far away from my location. With no one to defend me, I have to defend myself with my magic of course. I should have trained using any weapon when I was in Haven. And now I regretted not taking one.

And since I can’t just use my magic recklessly, I raised a stealth barrier around myself, my horse and grabbing all my supplies to myself. It was not as strong as I remembered. This was one of the barriers I always used back in my realm whenever I try to visit human villages. I hope this was enough for me to stay safe. I promised everyone that I will be safe and stay safe I shall.

Bandits searched my camping looking for the person staying on it. They searched my tent and finding that there’s nothing to steal, looked around the perimeter of the camp. Luckily, they decided to move on when my barrier flickered and was gone.

**“Bandits. I hate them!”** Moving silently, I took down my tent and rolled my cot. I loaded it to my horse and decided to not stay there any longer.

**“No choice then. No sleep until I reach the Tower of Ishal.”** Maybe there I can find some peaceful rest. With a location in mind, I patted the neck of my horse. He obeyed and we’re back on track again.

**“Stay strong, King.”** I told my horse. He neighed happily and we’re off to the tower.


	8. And she traveled (part 2)...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update...
> 
> Flemeth and our MC met at last...

It’s already the middle of the day when I saw the Tower of Ishal in my peripheral. A night without sleep and food made me very moody. Looking for a safe spot to place my things and let King rest, I find myself thinking what if the Flemeth won’t help me. What should I do? I sighed and laid my cot near a shade of a large tree. Putting some alarm glyphs around my camp, I tried to relax and sleep for a little. It was nighttime when I woke up. I decided to explore the ruins and found some trinkets here and there. It might be useful in my travels. Getting back to my camp, I prepared food for king and myself and decided to sleep a little more and in the morrow, I will be traveling towards the Korcari Wilds where I’ll be looking for Flemeth.

Morning came, I packed up my camp and guided my horse towards the wilds. It’s been hours for wandering and I haven’t seen any hut nearby. When I stumbled upon a ruin in the middle of the wilds, I was approached by a very strange woman.

**“My, my what do we have here?”** Alright, she got my attention and I readied myself for an attack, but nothing came.

**“Hmmm… Lost are you not, child?”** Child? She called me a child. I scoffed and grinned at her.

**“Child? Who? Me?”** Pointing at myself. She nodded and I just laughed. After a while, I stopped myself from laughing and saw how her face was all so serious.

**“Who could it be? Immortal as you maybe, still I’m older than you.” **I looked at her intently and I can see her life core shattered into many pieces. Can someone really live with shattered life core? If it is possible, she’ll be the first one I’ve seen with one.

**“How did you know that? The immortal thing?” **I asked her seriously. She was not an ordinary old woman, that I’m sure.

**“I’ve been alive long enough to simply tell that a nug is like rabbit?”**

**“Point taken and that was creepy. Yeah, totally creepy. Anyways, I’m looking for a woman named Flemeth, do you know where I could find her?”** She looked at me. Studying me from head to toe.

**“What would you need of her, Child?”** She asked. Looking directly into her eyes, I sighed and decided that I have to answer her questions first before I know where Flemeth is. _Better cooperate, then._

**“Uhmmm—I will be asking her for help in saving someone very important to me and to also prevent a catastrophic event that is set to happen in the future?”** I answered as truthfully as possible. Well, it’s my goal in the first place.

**“Fascinating. You are a seer, I take it?”** She walked towards me and eyed me closely.

**“That’s simply putting it. Yes I am.”** I answered and stepped back away from her. Then she chuckled.

**“You don’t have to fear me child. You are far powerful than I am. In fact, I should be the one cowering now in the presence of a true Goddess.”**

My eyes went wide in her declaration of knowing what I am. My nervousness doubled and was moving away from her. I don’t know who she is, but I really have to know where Flemeth is.

**“Might I know your name then, little Goddess?”** She squinted her eyes and waited for my answer.

**“My name doesn’t matter. I just wanted to know where she is. If you can’t help me then I should get going.”** When I was to turn away, she spoke.

**“I can’t keep on calling you a child, right? Names matter to me since you are asking for my help.”** I don’t’ understand then it clicked.

**“I am Arh’wen.”**

**“Arh’wen? A fitting name.”** She murmured. I was in shock since I didn’t even know that I was already talking to Flemeth herself.

**“And you are her? The Flemeth?**”

**“Yes. ‘Tis I. How pray tell can I help you, Arh’wen?”**

**“Really you are her?”** She laughed out loud and directed me towards a hut nearby.

**“Truly. In flesh. Come, we should talk inside.”**

We went inside her hut. Inside I looked around and saw herbs everywhere. A simple table and chairs. I was busy wandering around the house when I smelled tea. She invited me over the table, and we sat face to face.

**“How did you come to know me?” **She sipped thru her tea and waited for me to answer.

**“Well, the truth is never simple. Look, I saw a glimpse of you in the future, but I never really saw your appearance. This will get easier if I show you the true me.”** I stood up and transformed to my original form. I was skeptical in showing her my true self since I don’t really know if I can trust her fully. But for Solas, I will risk it all. I will gamble.

**“Well, well… if you showed yourself to the chantry looking like that, I’m sure everyone will follow and obey you at a heartbeat. Why come to me, if you have Andraste’s appearance?”**

**“Ughhh… Not you too. Oh, spirits help me. The chantry will never help me. Some may believe that I’m her, but the majority won’t. Ever since the war between mages and templars broke out, I will be regarded as an abomination.”**

**“True. But why me? Why don’t you tell your friends about the help you needed or with your power I guess you can just do it yourself.”**

**“If only I could, I would have done it already. As a goddess, as you have guesses already, I do have infinite power, yes. But, getting lost in this realm and no connection to your so-called fade, I’m a diminishing existence.”** I showed her my life core. Comparing my previous one to the present. I was surprised that it was reduced greatly. I looked at her again and see eyes full of questions.

**“You are so forthcoming with this, Arh’wen. But how can I prove you are telling the truth?”** And of course, she won’t believe me outright.

**“Well, what choice do I have? And no. there’s no way you can tell I’m not lying. It’s just my words. Or maybe I could show you a glimpse of my world. It will take a lot from me, but I really needed your help on this. I will risk it.”**

**“Very well. Show me.”** I walked towards her and offered my hand for her to take.

**“Your hands, please.”** She took my hand. I let my magic flow thru her. As I let my magic work, I can feel her life core. It’s shattered just like Solas’. How can they live with shattered cores? One of the questions I’ll have to ask later.

**“As I have said to a certain someone, my realm or my origin was mostly connected to mortals. Mortals meaning humans. No elves, dwarfs or oxman. Just human. Without their beliefs and trust to us, Gods and Goddesses, we will never have power ourselves. Unlike this world’s Evanuris which includes you.”** I felt her tense a little. So, this being part of the Evanuris is a guarded secret. Hmmm…

**“I’ll answer your questions later.”** Reassuring her that I’ll trade answers later. She nodded and s I continued.

**“As I was saying, unlike you and the other Evanuris, I together with other Gods and Goddesses came to life from mortal’s faith and belief. So, as I understand here in Thedas, you and the others were spirits first compared to us that were born from zero existence. I for instance, was born of love and loyalty.”**

**“Two strong traits. But when will I see this realm of yours?”**

**“So impatient. Is every Evanuris like you?”** I sighed and continued. I let her through my memories. At first, I felt a little hesitation in her part, but she then eased. Feeling that she’s ready for more, I let my mind opened to hers.

**“Well, back to the topic at hand. Here,”** Projecting my small cabin in the middle of a lush forest through her mind. **“That was where I lived before coming here. Our realm was not visible to normal mortals. The creatures you are seeing flying and were tiny, those we call faes. Every time worshippers visited our temples and shrines; their wishes and prayers were stored in a vessel and was delivered by those faes to respective God or Goddess.”** I looked at her asking permission if I should continue. She just nodded for the answer.

**“As a young Goddess, an older Goddess of love and loyalty, whom I treated as my mother, taught me everything I know. I was a special case among us.”** Just remembering everything from my realm made me so sad. I wanted to cry but I don’t want to appear weak in front of this Evanuris. Not now. Not ever. I felt she squeezed my hand holding hers. I returned it and assured her that I was alright. **“The reason was because of my ability to see into future and to travel to other realm. In fact, getting here was just an accident and drained me so much. When I first landed here, I was in the emerald graves, I think. It was similar to the forest in my realm where we usually spent our time getting together with the other Gods and Goddesses. I felt I was welcomed by this world. A surge of energy coming from the forest came rushing to me and the memories of this world came rushing too.”** I looked at her for explanation.

**“It must be because, you are the embodiment of a pure spirit. As you have explained earlier, we were spirits first. You are treated as a spirit. One of the first existence ever known here in Thedas. That’s all I can tell for now.”** I smiled at her. **“So, you are a seer and a traveler but no a dreamer. Interesting.”**

**“Dreamer?”** I mused at her.

**“You are a mage in a sense, but your source of mana is not the fade. So, where or what is your source?” **I showed her my life core. She looked at it and turned her eyes to me.

**“As I told you, I was a special case that even older Gods and Goddesses wanted me for themselves. Well mostly of being a seer and traveler but you see I have this ability that a Goddess shouldn’t have. I can see the very essence of life of every living being and manipulate it. And for the source of my magic, it would be my life core.”** I conjured a replica of my original life core. She observed it. I too was surprised of how much of my life core was gone already. I have to be very careful in using it.

**“It’s diminished already. Using your magic is fatal to you. Why use it if you are doomed to die? Why not just live and let things happen as they are?”** I squinted my eyes on her.

**“Exactly. I’m already a diminishing existence here and also I still have two rejections left before I disappeared completely.”** I sat down and sipped my tea. **“Is that coming from a witch who never interfered with events already?”** I accused her. I know already that she has a hand on events that happened here in Thedas. I can’t blame her, truly. Me too just wanted to live a quiet and peaceful life.

**“Point taken but if I never intervened, Thedas will be no more. I believe you Arh’wen but doing this help you needed may really cost your life.”** She let go of my hand. **“As far as I understand you stumbled to this world on accident and have seen the future.”** I nodded to her for confirmation.

**“So, what is this about rejections? And why will it be the cause of your death?”**

**“For all the questions to be asked, that’s the one you want to be answered?”** I smirked at her and shook my head. I just can’t understand her. Of all the things she has to ask, why have the interest on my rejections. Just remembering the first time was a torture. I took a deep breath

and decided to tell her all about my secret.

**“Yes. That will be my fate if I went through all the rejections. Besides if not rejections, my life core will not be enough for a lifetime here. Even the fade rejects me.”**

**“The fade?”**

**“Well, let’s just say I woke up in the fade physically. Even the spirits already told me that I was not a welcome existence there. Even with the help of one of my friends, didn’t really help me explain why I was there in the first place.” **I can feel my head aching just remembering that day. I rubbed my face with both my hands, feeling frustrated of my situation.

**“I see. I can’t really explain why it happened to you. You were fortunate to not face the wrath of its keeper.”**

**“Yes. I am a lucky girl. And my stay here in this realm is already a death sentence, what of the knowledge I have about the future and if that certain someone knew this, I’m sure I’ll be dead by now. By the way you know this Inquisition, right?” **I looked at her while sipping a little of my tea. She offered me another cup to which I was grateful.

**“Yes. Spirits were attracted to the man they called Herald.”** She replied while looking outside her window.

**“Well, my stay there was mostly because they know I’m a seer. Of course, the herald and the advisers only knew about this. And now you. As alone as I am here in this world, I found a single spirit with the same predicament. I can’t really understand how and when I fell in love with him. Unfortunately, I was rejected outright when I declared my feelings. And before the 2nd and 3rd rejections came, which will likely happen, since really, I can’t stay away from him, even in the fade.”** I sighed. **“I don’t know where or when we will meet again but I should have accomplished whatever I have to do before that happens.”** I stood up and walked towards the only window in her hut. I need to finish all of the major glyphs. I may not witness what this world would be without the fade, but I’ll be content enough to have saved as many as possible. If it comes to shove that I have to convince everyone here in Thedas that this world will suffer and end when the veil is gone; I might have to appear as myself to everyone. That will be my last resort. I’ll have to talk to Leliana and Cassandra about this. I was pulled from my thoughts when Flemeth stood behind me.

**“Who was this person? He was a fool to let you go. He must have known that your actions will be for the good of this world.”** I turned to her and looked at her directly. I can see gentle eyes directed towards me. Sympathy and Compassion.

**“He’s a fool alright. But he’s my fool. He has his reasons and for that I understand. I shouldn’t have told him my feelings but with the timing and mood in that moment, I just went with it and said it. I don’t regret doing it because by that I knew that the curse in my blood really works. I guess I’ll just come into terms with it. Duty and responsibility, he said. In that, I believe him.”** I smiled at her, thanking her for understanding my situation. **“And I think, you knew him from before.”**

**“Oh. I never thought he will wake already. Dread wolf what have you done now?”**

**“Pushed me away, that’s what he did. But seeing his life core broken before I left, his was murky black. Doubt, regret, grief and despair filled his very being. Though I know why he rejected me, still it hurts. He’s helping the Inquisition right now to close the Breach.”**

**“I already told him that it was never his fault. What a fool.”** She grabbed my hands and let her healing magic washed over me. She might be thinking that I was injured but now I see that she’s just easing the frustration I’m feeling. I was exhausted. **“Tell me, little Goddess. What is this endeavor or help you are talking about?”**

**“I know we will meet again. He’s been torturing himself about what the elves were now and how tranquil this world is. I saw that he’s going to bring down the veil and with that this world will be destroyed. I have to save everyone if not lessen the damage that event will cause. Seeing it very vividly in my visions was frightening. The face of this world will be burning not only with demons but also with possessed mages. Most of the population of Thedas will be wiped out. The ground will be poisonous to even plants and animals.”** I squeezed her hands harder and looked at the floor to hide my crying face. Trying to hold myself from bursting, I took several deep breaths and continued. **“I don’t want that to happen. I know I can’t really sway him from his decision. He’s already decided the fate of Thedas but maybe with your help and the Inquisition, we can prevent such disaster.”**

**“I understand, Arh’wen. Have you told him about this?”** I shook my head. **“What should I tell him? That I was a seer? That I know him? He might have killed me already by knowing who he was. He will think I’m a spy.”**

**“You might be right. He must be consumed by his guilt if he’s resorting to no other options. Fen’harel’s domain was the fade and by raising the veil, he locked a part of himself. Without it, he will never be complete.”**

**“I already know that that’s why I’m not against bringing down the veil. The only thing I don’t want is sacrificing this world for his old home. He might be repeating the same mistake again. I can’t…I just can’t…if I could do something about it, I will do it even if I risk all of me.”** I walked away from her. Hugging myself and reassuring that my death will be to save a world. **“Will you help me?”** It took a few moments before I heard her response.

**“I agree to you but doing so will need a vast amount of mana. Even as what I am now, I can’t tell if I can truly help.”**

**“You don’t have to worry about that. I have enough for this to work. The help I want is something else. I want you to gather elves, may it be dalish, those from alienages or ancient ones. Also, if possible, if we could save the elves from slavery. Of course, it will not be accomplished by tonight but as many as possible if you can.”** I faced her while wiping tears that escaped my eyes. **“Bring those elves within Elvhen ruins if possible or they should be within dalish clans. I will be visiting ruins and temples. Put my protection glyphs there.”**

**“Agreed. But how do we save those slaves from Tevinter? Only a few of my sentinels were awake and for this endeavor to be successful we needed a lot. And I just can’t send them there.”**

**“I’ll provide you a possible location of ancient elves that I saw in my vision. It might help us and Solas will help us with Tevinter.”**

**“Oh, when will this be? And he’s using his name again.”**

**“I don’t really know. I just saw a glimpse of it happening after he left the inquisition.”** She paced the floor, absorbing this information.

**“The location of those ancient elves will help. It might be one of my temples.”** I nodded. She got a map and I marked the location of possible locations of the ancient elves and she confirmed that most of them were her temples.

**“I think the freeing of the slaves will occur after the Inquisition dealt with Corypheus. Solas will leave the inquisition and plan the bringing down of the veil in my vision. When the new divine called for an exalted council after two years, Solas will then move helping the Inquisition again thwarting a Qunari invasion. Between him leaving the Inquisition and appearing during the exalted council, he will rescue elves from Tevinter. I saw that he had a large spy network working within the Inquisition and all over Thedas. During that time, I plan to propose my plan to the Inquisition and the Dread wolf. If it comes into shove, I could use this appearance to convince everyone here to cooperate.”** I really have to hand it to her for taking all of my rambling.

**“Truly. It will be fascinating to see all of Thedas, kneeling to you. Besides, have it ever struck you, that you might be Andraste herself?”** She chuckled at my idea and was surprised about her notion of being Andraste herself. I never thought it like that. I never knew this realm existed before. She laughed at me.

**“True but that will be my last option. I can’t have them believing Andraste resurrected but have to disappear again. And maybe before that time comes, I’ve already done all my glyphs. So that’s why I’m in a hurry. It might happen anytime in this timeline. I don’t know how soon since I already changed some of the events, but I have to hope. Unleashing your brethren was a threat greater than the veil itself.”**

**“It will be a great disaster indeed if that happened. Locked as they may, they were still powerful mages.”** I looked at her with determined eyes.

**“And that’s where you have to insert yourself. After Solas left the Inquisition, I saw that he will approach you. His foci will possibly break during the last battle with Corypheus. You will have to help him.”**

**“And why should I agree with this?”**

**“I told you I can manipulate life itself. When the time comes that Solas will come to you. Help him and I promise you to find your remaining life core.”** She was shocked that I knew about it.

**“Here…”** I showed her her life core.

**“See—your core was not broken like Solas’ but I think it was deliberately fragmented. Usually, in my realm, a Goddess can die, though we were immortal in a way, but we could die too. We usually take fragments of our life core and store them to different vessels so that we can continue living. I just guessed you were in the same situation and I just confirmed it.”**

**“Very observant of you. What of it?”**

**“Here’s the deal, I will find the fragments of your life core and create a body for you that will never age or die. I will come with you if he called to you. You don’t have to worry about anything. My specialty was creation, you see. Also, if you could come with me and talk some sense to your brethren. If we could talk them down, at least I don’t have to waste my mana on defeating them. As much as possible I don’t want to kill them. And Solas should not know about this deal.”**

**“Fair enough. But where will you be after all of this?”** I looked at her directly. I don’t really know where I’ll be. I might die or I might leave. I really can’t tell.

**“Gone. Creating five major glyphs and several minor glyphs, your body together with the rejections, I will have none left. I just hope that maybe I could have some time left living my life alone. Exploring this world. I will never hope for Solas’ time or feelings. I just want him to have his life before.”** I find myself thinking of everything in that moment. I will be happy and content if his alright after all this.

**“Is there any way that even after exhausting your life core, you will still be alive?” **

**“I don’t really know. Maybe I could. Maybe I’ll just die. When I was back in my world, dying Gods and Goddesses usually extend their lives by bonding their spirits to another or finding a mate. With that a new life core will be created for the dying one. And I’m a helpless case.”** I smiled at her. **“Maybe my death will save a lot of lives including him. Just promise me one thing.”**

**“Surely, if you could just tell this to him, he will hear you out. I’m sure the Dread wolf already caught your scent and your death will surely destroy him. If not me, he will definitely find a way to save you.”**

**“I hope you’re right but still I have to do this. I can’t handle another two rejections unless I’m done with all of the things I needed to do.” **

**“Can you tell me about these rejections that you keep on mentioning?”** I sighed. I’m getting tired of explaining this predicament of mine several times already.

**“There was a rule in our realm that we only have three rejections from someone we promised ourselves. On the third rejection, our life will be forfeited. I really didn’t believe it at first until I felt a big part of my core was gone after my first rejection. So, I have to distance myself from him even if it the hurt kills me. Even if the distance was so much. Because if I have to save this world from total destruction, I have to use my core. And I can’t have it disappearing due to my rejections. After all I have to be alive to grant you our deal.”**

**“Arh’wen, I can’t tell if what you will be doing is right or wrong but with this, I will be eternally grateful. I will have to talk to Dread wolf if that time comes and maybe we could come up with a solution to your mortality.”**

**“No thanks, necessary. I just—this has been a selfish goal from the very start. I wanted him for myself and together with it I wanted him to have his original world. If that makes me him happy, that is all I needed.”**

**“A selfless Goddess. He sure was an idiot to really let you go. Though, I’m sure you have already left a mark to his being. Once, he has your scent, you can’t run away from him.”**

**“Well it seems that the Dread wolf took me.”** I smiled at her.

**“Indeed.”** After a moment of silence, I walked past her and went outside her hut. Inhaling how fresh the air was around that forest, I felt at home. She followed behind me, when I felt a tremor in the air. I looked in the sky. I saw a surge of power going towards the sky and that’s when I knew that they have closed the breach. I gazed at her and nodded. A silent confirmation from her, let me understand that she already knew what that was.

**“Thank you for believing me. Now, Let’s talk about the elves. We don’t have much time left. I wish to have a representative from each clan to learn the true history of elves. Is it okay for you to meet them?”**

**“I’m not sure meeting them will suffice their thirst for knowledge of what once was. I’ll try my best. I could visit the keepers in their dreams, and they will have to spread the word in their clans. They needed to know the truth about the Evanuris. It will be a tedious approach but if we are going to unleash them when the veil is gone. I’ll also place one sentinel of mine to each clan to provide them with additional learning.”**

**“That was actually a great idea. Also, after defeating Corypheus, I’m going to discuss this plan to Maxwell, the inquisitor-to-be. We needed the cooperation of every nation if possible. That’s if we wanted to save as many as possible. Also, the use of those magical mirrors.”**

**“Eluvians? Yes, I do in fact know some active Eluvians.”**

**“Alright. With that settled, I’ll teach you the glyph I’ll be using. This will require my blood actually.”**

**“Blood magic then?”**

**“Uh...is that how they called it here? Is it bad? Most of my spells and glyphs requires the blood of the invoker.”**

**“No to me. Yes, to this present world. Human always fear the different and alien to them. During Elvhenan, blood magic was just magic. Magic can be good or bad. Depends on how a person use it.”**

**“Very true. I don’t know if the result will be the same if invoked by different person but treat it as a gift.”** I taught her how to use the glyph. The major glyphs I will be doing will require my life core for it to work.

**“To another topic,”** I showed her my map.

**“I will be traveling to these places marked with an ‘X’. Those were the places where I’ll be putting the major glyphs and runes. Its life protection glyph using of course my life core. After putting all the glyphs in place, it will be activated only when the veil falls. The first location is in the ruins on the Brecilian Forest. The second one is located near the Minanter river. The third location is in Seheron. I’ll have to ask Varric about how to get there. The fourth glyph will be placed somewhere in Hunterhorn Mountains and the last is by the abyssal reach near Gamordan Peaks.”**

**“Pretty much traveling around Thedas, I see. And some of those places are not easy to enter and most of it are where the Veil is thin.”**

**“Yes, actually all of it. I will have help if needed. There’s the inquisition and you, of course.”** I smirked at her.

**“I will be sending one of my trusted sentinels to accompany you. He will meet you by the ruins in the Brecilian forest. Is there anything else?”**

**“I think that was all for now. I suddenly felt exhausted. oh, may I revert back to my former appearance?”**

**“Yes. Please do. Just maintaining that form must be taxing. Drink more of the tea on my table. You can stay here as long as you want. I’ll be busy with my sentinels on the other hand. If you didn’t find me when you’re leaving already, just leave a note. So, this will be goodbye for now.” **

**“Yes. Thank you for believing and listening to me.”** She hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead. I felt my exhaustion leave my body. Her aura is warm and gentle just like my mother.

**“You are alone, child. You have lost everything. As far as I know, you have not lied to me. Hold onto that feeling. You are a Goddess of love and loyalty. Very fitting for purpose and pride. Be strong, child. You have my blessing with you.”** She looked into my eyes full of compassion and kindness.

**“Thank you. Thank you so much. Be safe and see you soon.”** She left me alone in her hut. When I went to her couch, I felt very tired. Tomorrow I’ll be meeting this sentinel of her. Hoping that everyone was safe from closing the breach I finally drifted to a dreamless sleep.


	9. And he endured…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly Solas' POV
> 
> Sorry for the long wait...

Only a day before we close the breach, I found myself thinking what I will do after. I have to find that damned magister to get my foci and finally took my powers back from Maxwell. I wandered around Haven, noticing how lively the people in this small village were. The Inquisition was doing a great job keeping peace within its people and outside of it. I tried looking for Arh’wen whenever I have a chance, but it seems she’s completely avoiding me and true to her words, I never saw her again after that night. I can still remember how beautiful and warm her smile was directed towards me. How we usually spent our days talking about the fade and spirits. How openly she regards everyone equally. How her voice made my spine tingling. How her eyes looked deep into my soul. How can I small creature, a stranger has this much impact on me. My thoughts were interrupted when a certain human called out to me.

**“Solas?”** turning around, I saw his still angry face directed towards me.

**“Yes, Herald? How may I be of assistance?”**

**“Mind walking with me?”** I nodded and followed behind him.

**“Are you and the mages ready for tomorrow?”**

**“Yes. The mages you recruited were already instructed about the details. We will await your signal.”**

**“You’ve done a great deal for the Inquisition, Solas.”**

**“If I can help, why shouldn’t I offer my services. Besides if the breach is not closed, no place in Thedas will be safe. And it’s my duty to ensure that the mages are ready.”**

**“Thank you.”** We remained silent during the walk. The silence was deafening, and I don’t even know what to talk about anymore.

**“Is there anything else you wanted to talk about, Herald?”** All I received was a frown and a deep sigh from him.

**“Yes. I know you were looking for her all this time. And to tell you the truth, I am still angry about what you did but for her sake I’ll this pass.”** I looked away from him and schooled my usual face, trying not to show how the topic about Arh’wen affects me.

**“I don’t know what you are talking about, Herald?” **

**“Oh yes. Even if she’s not around you are still denying her existence. Maker’s breath! You are one hard egg to break.”** He smirked at me and looked towards the breach.

**“I’m sorry?”**

**“I apologize. If you could just saw your reaction right now”** He now started laughing. I don’t know if I’ll take it as a compliment or insult.

**“I’m sorry. Really. Arh’wen was right. You take jokes seriously. Wait. Let me…”** I waited for him to calm himself. And I just can’t help myself from smiling. After a few minutes of laughs, he took a deep breath and patted my shoulder.

**“I apologize again. It’s really not what I meant. It’s just surprising how in denial you were when it was obvious in your very actions.”** Do I seem that obvious? I thought to myself. Ever since knowing my feelings towards Arh’wen, I became somewhat transparent. I find myself trusting this whole inquisition and the people running it.

**“I don’t think that is your business, Herald. Our focus should be closing the breach.”** I changed the subject cause if not he will keep on pestering me with questions later.

**“Yeah, yeah. As you say, Hahren.”**

**“If there’s nothing else, I’ll be by my cabin. Good evening, Herald!”** I left him still restraining himself from laughing hard.

Arriving in my cabin, I decided to rest because it will be a hectic day by the morrow. Closing the breach and the mystery that surrounds Arh’wen. My agents can’t even find a single thing about her. Just thinking how complicated it became when it came to her, I already drifted to the fade.

The fade was the same as always. Remembering how it should be, I conjured a memory before the fall of Arlathan. Feeling sad and guilty at the same time, I thought how different it will be when he never placed the veil. I was busy reminiscing when the fade started to change shape without me interfering. I looked around and felt the source. I walked towards it and was surprised by her appearance. I decided to wait and observe from afar. Then I noticed how distressed she was. She was in pain and struggling to breath. I called out to her a few times, but I was not heard. I decided to walk towards her and called to her once again.

**“Solas?”** She called to me barely whispering. She’s in great pain and I noticed the blood coming from her nose. She kept on calling my name and when I realized it was really her and ran to her almost tripping myself. She was reaching out to me. Her arms extended. I was happy seeing her here but with how she looked right now, it’s a great concern. Something was definitely wrong. Everything about her here, was just like she’s in the waking world. I held her face in my hands, asking her what she’s doing there.

Her answer confused me. She said she was there physically. I don’t really understand what was going on right now. I was alarmed when she went limp in my arms. This is not good. If she’s here physically, what could have brought her here. I have too many questions in my head. I wanted her to answer every damn question I have right now but seeing her like this. Like she was dying already, I can’t. I just can’t. She explained what happened. I will have to talk to wisdom about this. There were too many factors to consider already. Her existence. Her abilities. And most of all, how will I keep her safe.

I understood that this plane was rejecting her very essence here. I poured my mana into her and felt relieved a little when she became stable somehow. I wanted to apologize to her for everything and deny that what she believes I felt about her was wrong. I care about her too much. And her believing I don’t, made me frustrated and angry. I helped her how to will herself outside the fade. I still wanted her in my arms for much longer, but the fade won’t permit it. I told her that I regretted everything I said but to my dismay this time, I was rejected. Not completely but it hurts. I left it at that, it seems she had reasons to stay away and it’s something to do with him. Everything she told her raises so much question mainly about her existence. After explaining to me, she lightly kissed my lips. And I was on her instantly. I can’t deny this. I missed her lips on me. How warm her voice made me feel? How I am just Solas again. Simply Solas. Not Fen’harel.

Remembering she was still in the fade physically, I reluctantly let her lips go. I held both her hands to mine and kissed each knuckle. Promising to myself that I will do anything to keep her safe. I helped her focus and she was closing her eyes. I looked at her form disappearing in front of me.

**“Ar lath ma, Arh’wen!”** Whispering to her, hoping she heard it. I was left alone standing in that place in the fade. With her in my sight that time felt like forever. And it’s like I have spent too much of my mana and I find myself waking up.

I woke up drenched on sweat. I collected myself and later I will find time for my agents. I will have to assign someone I trusted for her. She became important already. Reconsidering my actions, I will have to bring her with me when time comes. I prepared for the closing of the breach anytime now. I’m just waiting for a messenger to let me know when will travel to the breach.

_later that day…_

Closing the breach was successful. I noticed something during our travel back to Haven. The advisors and the herald were calm as if they knew what will happen. I looked at Varric and Iron bull beside me and was given a shrug. I can’t place this feeling that something will happen. And my thoughts turned towards Arh’wen. I tried looking for her, hoping I could see her and to know if she’s alright. But I can’t see her around.

When I was about to ask the Herald where she is, the signal bell rung suddenly, and we were thrown to battle instantly. The village was raised by red templars commanded by Corypheus himself. During the battle, I was relieved since the villagers were already evacuated towards the chantry building. Seeing Arh’wen not around made me worry and relieved at the same time.

Some civilians were still in their houses. Helping the herald rescue them, I together with Varric and the seeker, we went and rescued them instantly. We ran towards the chantry. There I helped with the injured. The advisers were busy calming the panicked villagers. The commander was busy giving orders. He delivered the bad news to the Herald. The time we spent rescuing the villagers was for naught since we don’t have anywhere else to go. Then the chancellor offered a way out. A secret passage but we needed a distraction. The Herald then decided to be the distraction.

We went to the secret passage. I thought about the Herald, his sacrifice to save them and mostly about Arh’wen. I can’t seem to find her anywhere and I can’t feel her at all. Convincing myself that she’s somewhat safe and alive. The sacrifice of the Herald was noble. He had earned my respect not because he had my mark but also his kind spirit. It was to my surprise actually that he survived the fall, when the commander brought me an unconscious Maxwell to the healing tent. He survived the ordeal and will be praised by what he did for days to come.

I offered one of my strongholds to them. Of course, telling them I found it in the fade. It’s just fitting, and they earned it. The herald shown traits I never thought existed from a modern human. He values moral greatly. Treats every race equally with no disdain. Although I knew, he had been angry with m about Arh’wen, I can’t really fault him. It’s my fault that it came down to this. I shouldn’t have entertained the thought of having her with me. Holding her in my arms and spending a quiet life together but of course, my duty comes first. I tried distancing myself, making us both miserable. Tried finding my focus again but she keeps on haunting my thoughts. How can a stranger find a way to his heart? How come whenever they talk and laugh, it feels like it was meant to be? If Mythal can see me now, she might be laughing at me for falling in love with a woman, a stranger at that.

Our hike gone for days after telling Maxwell the location of Skyhold. I never brought up Arh’wen to our conversations despite the overwhelming fear I feel. When we found the fortress, he hugged and thanked me eagerly. The advisers also went to me and was grateful to my help. I don’t know how to respond to that. As infuriating these humans were, they earned my respect without effort.

Settling in Skyhold took almost a month. Getting rid of the stones and woods that collapsed, after I don’t know how long, when it was not occupied. I stayed mostly in the rotunda where I usually conduct my research about what happened to Arh’wen and some tasks about the fade. I also found time painting mural around rotunda depicting the accomplishments of this Inquisition.

A month ago, Maxwell became the Inquisitor and I was surprised to be made an Arcane adviser. I tried to argue about that but was outvoted. During my free time in between war councils, I found myself sketching the only person I wanted to see after my blunder in Haven. My search for her around Skyhold was futile. I tried to ask the advisers and Maxwell about her. Also, the inner circle. The only answer I got was mostly “I don’t know”, “She’s in a mission”, or “She’s traveling with a band of entertainers”. When did she became Leliana’s agent anyway? Though their answers were vague I accepted it, but I was determined to know where she is. I must know, just to settle this fear I’ve been feeling since the fall of Haven and her physical appearance in the fade.

Maybe not seeing her was for the best. With that I can now focus on my original plan. Without her in it. However, my thoughts always go to her whenever I hear someone sings her song by the tavern. Hoping that it was her, I decided to participate to card games organized by Master Tethras. The dwarf, for the first time talked to me again after what happened with Arh’wen.

**“Finally out of your quarters, Chuckles? It’s been a long time.”** He handed me a mug of mead and invited me to sit in front of him.

**“Sorry to have missed your card games, Master Tethras.”** I drank a little from my mug and settled comfortably in my seat. I looked around the tavern, looking for that single person that will lighten up my day with just a glimpse and smile from her.

**“Looking for princess? I’m sorry to have cornered you by the tavern in Haven. You can’t blame me, Chuckles. Princess became a daughter to me in just a short time we have known each other.”**

**“You don’t have to apologize, Master Tethras. I have to admit you have the right to be angry about it. It was my fault. And I can’t really tell you why.”**

**“I respect your secrecy, Chuckles. But knowing you, it might be because you’re mostly concerned about her. Despite all that stoic appearance you are showing, when it comes to her, all your walls come crashing down.”** He drank from his mug and ordered another. **“I was told just a week ago by a bird…”**

**“A bird?”** I asked him.

**“Yes, a bird. That Princess was traveling to places I don’t know where.”** _Traveling? Does it mean that she’s not in Haven when it fell?_ Just hearing that lifted the fear I have over my head.

**“Do you know where she is?”** I tried asking her location but was answered with a no. **“Even our own Inquisitor doesn’t know where she is. Leliana might now, I heard she’s her agent from the very start.”** She could be anywhere in Thedas. However, I don’t have to worry since my agents were all over. **“You know she told me; how important you are to her. I just don’t know where went wrong.”** He sighed heavily and handed me a letter.

**“I was handed this letter a week before we closed the giant thing in the sky. With how busy you were and with all this happening. Besides I can’t find you anywhere in Skyhold, I found it difficult to hand it to you.”** I reached for the letter and stood up. I bid him farewell and was walking towards the tavern exit when he called me.

**“Oh and Chuckles. You deserve a little happiness sometimes. Grab hold of it if you can. You’ll never know when it will be taken from you and will be gone forever.”** I nodded to him and went to my quarters.

In my quarters, I found a lot of missives on my table. From Leliana and my agents. Opening some missives from my agents, they discovered that a number of elves, dalish and those from alienages were restless. It seems there’s a rumor going around that a couple of ancient elves were seen gathering and teaching elves of this modern Thedas. If true, why would they do that? I wrote a coded reply that only my agents can read to continue investigating those occurrences. Those elves can’t be from my brethren. If it is, I would have known already, unless, it’s something to do with Mythal. She must be planning something.

The missives went on and on. I decided to take some time to relax for a moment and remembered the letter Varric gave me. I took it and looked for any sign of tampering but none. I can still smell her scent on this letter. That familiar rose and vanilla that I smelled from her hair ages ago. Fearing what was on the letter, I hesitated to open it. Stilling my resolve, I ripped the seal and was surprised when a necklace fell on my palm. I placed it on the table and unfolded the letter.

**“My Wolf,”** I smiled. Remembering how good and relaxing her voice were, when she’s calling me with that. And by just that, my whole being ached for her. To be near her again. To hear her voice and see her smile. On the very first day we met, she already called me her wolf and up until now I never had the chance to ask her about it.

_My wolf,_

_ I don’t know if you’ll ever read this letter but if you haven’t maybe Varric misplaced or forgotten to give you this. If not and you are reading it right now, well, how have you been? Sorry it was a poor attempt to know you are alright. Well I know you are. Because I know you have, you’re magic and all and you’re strong. Sorry I was rambling. <strike>Ahem… </strike>_

_ I know I…I mean…we separated on not good terms. Not letting you talk that day I said goodbye to you. And returning your footwraps. I hope by returning it, you will not be insulted. In fact, I wanted it for myself but then you lent it to me and its yours. I don’t have anything on me to pay you or repay you for all the kindness you were showing me. but don’t worry I still have the flower you gave me. This I will treasure and protect with my life. <strike>I will protect you with my life.</strike> _

_ I know I have done enough to distract and burden you. I apologize for pushing you too hard. Just know that I’m already content that I told you how I felt. And a lot of circumstances will keep me away from the Inquisition. From you. I don’t know for how long but know that I will be always with you. I have enclosed a necklace. It was mine. The only possession I have since I arrived <strike>in Thedas</strike> in Haven. It’s been my lucky item ever since I was born, and I hope you will keep it close to you._

_ Your stories about the fade and spirits were a welcome distraction for me. I felt that I was not alone. Not a stranger in a different plane. Not someone who doesn’t belong. Talking and spending time with you was the most precious moments I have. Also, the time I usually perform and make everyone happy with my songs and dances. I do find a candid spirit with you. And I find your aura complimenting mine. Is it just me? or did you also notice it. Mine calls yours. Or am I just imagining it. I’m sorry if you felt I was digging to your aura. Really, I do apologize. I can’t really stop apologizing. Well all I brought you was burden and trouble so there. I really do have to apologize for everything._

She has done enough apologizing already. It was never her fault. I think the very first time I saw her, she was already meant to be my heart. My bondmate, my soulmate. If the duty I have to my people was never there, I will gladly take the leap with her. Find my own happiness. Live my life to its fullest. But because of my mistake and how this world was, I must put my people first than myself. To think that she wanted to repay m for all the trouble she caused me. which was not the case, quite hurts. My actions were my own. She doesn’t even know how her presence affects me so much. And of course, she doesn’t know that. How would she if I keep on pushing her away.

The first time I felt her aura, I was shocked. Just finding someone with the same aura as mine was a rare feeling. And it’s quite frustrating to know that even a touch from her, will send tingle to my magic. Our aura dances together happily whenever we were talking and playing with our magic. I don’t know if she knew offensive abilities, and I’d rather not her know some. With the unknown source of her magic, it might endanger her life.

_I am grateful that you listened to my complaints and ramblings. Especially after I dumped my feelings on you all of a sudden. I don’t know when this feeling started to grow but one thing, I’m sure of. I know you will be my first and last. And just maybe someday, somewhere in this world we finally could find our happiness. Just hoping._

_I hope I could see you again. I’m missing you already. Our talks. Your magic. Please take care of yourself and also here’s to hoping that someday we could tell our secrets to each other._

_And before I forgot, I included a portrait of yours. I know I’m not that good in painting, but I hope you will like it._

_Yours always,_

_Arh’wen_

Looking on the last page of the letter, I found my portrait. It was me on the table perusing my tomes with a serious face. I don’t know when she found time to paint me. I smiled at it and felt my cheeks damped with tears. I was crying before I know it. Right there and then, I broke. I wanted to hold her in my arms once again and never let go. But then, I was a fool. The only person that might accept me for who I am, was already out of my reach. She might be anywhere in Thedas. She might be in danger right this very moment, but I can’t do anything for her. Calming myself and drying the tears on my face, I decided to let my agents to look for her just to assuage this fear and worry for her. I picked up the necklace. Wore it around my neck and tucked it gently inside my tunic. It was warm to the touch and emits a gentle aura, much like hers. At least with this necklace, I could feel her and remember. She had my heart alright. And the same with her, she will be the first and the last.

The next day, I woke up a little late. When I stumbled in the great hall, I was greeted by the whole inner circle and the advisors eating their breakfast. The dwarf waved at me, inviting me to sit next to him. To my surprise, the inquisitor handed me a mug, with a hot drink on it. I looked at him curiously and was replied with a smirk. He sat next to me, drinking the same hot drink from his mug.

**“A little bird told me that you liked this kind of drink.”**

I looked at him, then to the mug in my hands. I can smell the sweet aroma of chocolate from it. But how would he know. Unless, of course. He smiled at the thought of her handing the same cup back in haven. The time when they were just enjoying the view around the lake drinking this very same drink.

**“You are handsome when you smile, Solas. Please do keep on doing that.”** I was taken aback by that comment from Dorian.

**“Yes, my dear. Please do smile more.”** Viviene added. I scowled to that same comment.

**“Now you have ruined it, Madame de Fer.”** Maxwell scolded the enchanter.

**“What? I just stated a fact. Anyways, please do excuse me. I have still some books to finish. A pleasant morning to all.”** I followed the enchanter’s trail until she was gone in the hall.

**“Oh, stop that, Solas. If only looks could kill.”** Maxwell said to me, smirking.

**“I wouldn’t do that, Maxwell. Madame de Fer proved to be useful with the game.”** Everyone laughed and with that I can’t help to smile a little. Talking to them, to this mix of people, is a very good feeling. Without me noticing, they have become important to me. They already became part of my people.

**“Who told you I liked this kind of beverage, if you don’t mind me asking?”**

**“Let’s just say, someone who clearly wants you to be happy and everyone safe but not herself. Sorry didn’t plan to include that last part. She’s someone very loyal to you, my arcane advisor.”**

**“What? Not herself? Is…I don’t...?”** What was the meaning of that? I knew already it was Arh’wen who told him about my drink preference but to say that last part…_ not herself…safe but not herself…_ It has a deeper meaning to it since Maxwell apologized after he mentioned that.

**“Well, that’s all I’m going to say. To the war room, advisors!”** He shouted, stood up from his seat and walked towards the war room. Everyone was quiet. I know everyone heard what he said but no one dared to ask for an explanation. Maybe I could talk to him about it later.

During the war council, we discussed about the contact of the champion that was hiding in Crestwood. I remember how livid Cassandra was, when she was informed that the champion was in Skyhold and Varric was responsible for it. It took a rather colorful interference from the Inquisitor himself to stop them.

Another topic discussed was about the shards we have collected throughout the Hinterlands. Those were keystones that will lead them to my temple. Of that, they don’t know. There Maxwell could gain more abilities. After tackling some minor problems from Josephine and Leliana, we adjourned the council and by the morrow, we will be traveling to Crestwood, then to Solasan.

It’s been two months when we set out to Crestwood to look for the champion and his warden companion. In that time, we have cleared a keep full of bandits and discovered that the Mayor himself flooded the old Crestwood in fear of spreading the Blight sickness. I was angry of what he did because a lot of innocent lives were sacrificed with what he had done. The mayor attempted to flee but was caught easily by Leliana’s scout.

We have cleared the roads with bandits, undead, red templars and closed a few rifts along the way. We also defeated a dragon which to my surprise, The iron bull was very excited about. The trading resumed. Discovering also that all grey wardens at the same time was hearing the calling and Warden Stroud was a wanted man by Commander Clarel, put a damp on our mood. Maxwell instructed Stroud and the Champion to travel to Skyhold immediately and give this information to Cullen and Leliana. After that we departed towards Solasan.

During the travel, I found myself holding the necklace Arh’wen gave me. Reminds me that everything will be alright and keeps me focused. I sometimes joined the inner circle’s banter with the Maxwell and found myself doubtful of what to do come after I retrieved the mark and the orb. If possible, I could warm one them of what will happen but no doubt they will hate me for what will I do. I wish Arh’wen was here. I was shocked by a jolt in my chest where the necklace is situated. It likely responded to my feelings and telling me to calm down. It’s just like Arh’wen when she was hovering me and telling me to stop worrying on things. I smiled to the thought and I turned my gaze to my companions. Chuckling to myself and seeing how real this world is right now.

We cleared the temple without any injuries and defeated a couple of demons and closed several rifts. Also, we found a woman wandering around the place and with the kindness the Inquisitor had, helped her look for her husband’s ring. Incidentally we already encountered the said cave and retrieved a questionable ring. Upon returning the ring to the woman, she gave us a key that will open the locked gate in the cave. Upon returning to the cave, we were ambushed by wild dogs and a few poisonous spiders. We suffered few injuries here and there but no fatal injuries so far. When we returned to the camp late that day, we decided to venture back to Skyhold by the morrow for an urgent matter to be discussed. It seems we have an empress to save from an assassination attempt and the champion will be needed to travel to Western Approach.

Upon returning to Skyhold, Maxwell together with the advisors and the champion convened for an urgent meeting.

**“Do you have any information as to the whereabouts of the Grey Wardens, Messere Hawke**?” I looked to the missives by the table and examined the information supplied by Warden Stroud.

**“Inquisitor, it seems they were having a ritual somewhere in the Western approach.” **I gazed over the Champion and answered with a nod.

**“Yes. Your arcane advisor is correct. I already sent Stroud to scout the area and just got a reply yesterday. They were meeting on an ancient ritual site on the western approach. If this is as bad as I think, then we needed an army marching towards the Approach.”**

**“Why would we need an army, it’s just a couple of Grey wardens, right?”** I was just listening to them, exchanging words when a though hit me.

**“Except, of course, if all the Grey wardens were herded in one place. That will be a problem.”**

**“What?”** Cullen was shocked to realize if it is to happen.

**“Yes. Solas is right. I have a couple of agents scouting the area and found several Grey Wardens trails leading to a forgotten fortress. Adamant. But this ritual must be somewhere else.”**

I looked at Maxwell. He seems nervous and can’t decide on what to do. Besides this, we also must save the Empress of Orlais. I found it also frustrating that the Grey Wardens fell this low. I can’t fault them really but resorting to blood magic. I just can’t believe them. I was taken from my deep thinking when Cullen spoke.

**“I will ready my soldiers to march towards Western Approach. If we needed to march towards Adamant, then we will be ready. We will need some sappers, Lady Ambassador. A siege will likely take place.”**

**“I will let the mages know that we needed support. Healing and offensive ones.”** I suggested. I can see a relieved face to Maxwell. This events likely took a heavy toll on him. With Arh’wen not around, who is he talking to to ease the discomfort.

**“For the meantime, Messere Hawke, please help Warden Stroud and locate the ritual site. I will be traveling to the Approach two days from now. In that time, maybe we already found the site and established a camp there with the help of Leliana.”**

**“Of course, Inquisitor.” **Leliana answered.

**“The ball will likely take place five months from now, so we have enough time to be prepared. If there’s nothing else, I’ll need to excuse myself to send some missives to our allies for help with the possible siege.”** Everyone looked at her and nodded goodbye. Leliana and Cullen followed the ambassador and only the three of us were left I the room.

**“Are you okay, Maxwell?”** I asked Maxwell. He then decided to sit on the chair and slouched. Stress clearly showing in his face.

**“I need a drink. This is… this is crazy bat shit.”** I walked towards him and performed a scan to his body.

**“You are clearly stressed and why didn’t you tell me about the mark?”**

**“Oh, I forgot. Sorry. Got sidetracked. Anyways, whenever I’m thinking too much, the mark itches. But it never hurts. Just itches.”** I applied a soothing spell to relieve the itch and he relaxed.

**“You’re the best, Solas. Wish sister is here. Her voice always makes me calm.”** Upon hearing the name of Arh’wen I tensed a little.

**“Inquisitor?”** The champion called from the other end of the table looking to Maxwell sadly.

**“Maker’s breath! Stop calling me that. I’m tired of it. Maker, I can’t even hear my name anymore except Solas here. Thanks, again.”** I chuckled and some tense from Maxwell was relieved. This has taken so much from him already.

**“Okay. Okay. Maxwell it is. I know its hard being on the top, but we are here to support you. You are not alone on this. Even your sister must be saying this.”** He walked towards us and offered a bottle of alcohol to him.

**“Oh, I love you already Hawke. But I was already taken. The ambassador will strangle me if I just listened to you flirt with me.”** The champion laughed. And every stress from Maxwell’s face disappeared.

**“Oh, I’m not flirting. I’m already taken by a broody elf. With that, I need to prepare going to the Approach. Everything will be fine, Maxwell. You have a very capable organization at your back. Trust them.”**

**“I will and I’m grateful for this.”** The champion exited the door. I looked to the other missives left on the table and I can feel, Maxwell staring at me.

**“Just say it, Maxwell?”**

**“Busted, eh?”** I turned to him and was taken aback by his piercing gaze. **“I got a message from Arh’wen.”** With that, my calm appearance melted away immediately. I’m trying to suppress any reaction possible, but I failed. **“Relax, she’s fine. I know you are worried about her. I am too. Especially she’s with someone I don’t really know but was told that her companion was a trusted ally. And of course, she predicted that this will be the kind of reaction you’ll have.”** I can’t find any words to reply to that. Really why does whenever it comes to her, I always became so speechless and rattled?

**“I apologize, Maxwell.”** Pinching the bridge of my nose and felt another headache coming. This time I really can’t deny what this feeling was. My shield was broken by just her name. **“I can never explain what was between myself and Arh’wen. It seems that everything about her makes me weak. Not myself. Frankly, I don’t even know myself anymore.” **I was surprised to how I just confessed to Maxwell.

**“That…that was unexpected from you since I know you have this cold personality. But coming from Arh’wen it doesn’t seem that way.”** He sighed and walked towards me and patted my shoulder. **“I don’t know what really happened that night but this I know, you love her.” **With that single word, I dropped my hands to my side and looked at Maxwell with wide eyes. I know I have already said it a million times in my head. But saying it in front of you by one of your trusted companions was different. And it all come crushing done. I held on the edge of the table to steady myself and chuckled.

**“And did I do the right thing to her? I pushed her away Maxwell for my own selfish reasons. Reasons that I can’t reveal to anyone.”** I tried to steady my voice. I don’t want to let this lie stretch anymore. I wanted to be free from my reign. From my mistakes. But I just can’t tell it to the whole world I am Fen’harel. Even telling it to Arh’wen was difficult.

**“I do understand. I can’t ask for your reasons. I want to earn your trust. I want it freely given. And I will not insist on it. Damn, even Arh’wen has her secrets. I don’t know what she’s doing right now. The only thing I know was she’s traveling. But you know Solas,”** he walked towards me and sit by the edge of the table near me. **“Secrets are very heavy burden that you’ll carry for the rest of your life. I know that there’s so much guilt in you. I can see it in your eyes. As Arh’wen always saying, eyes are the mirror to one’s soul. And I believe her. The emotions I see in your eyes were different in your actions. Especially when it comes to Arh’wen. I can’t thank you enough for loving her. Sometimes when she’s alone and I was looking at her, it seems that when you blinked your eyes and then she’ll be gone. She once told me; this world was full of great things if you know how to find it. With that, I take being the Inquisitor on a positive note. Really, I don’t want lives on my hands. Heck, I’m miserable myself. Without you and everyone else, I’ll be a wreck.”** It’s the first time I heard Maxwell complaining about his position. True enough being the leader of an organization bear heavy burdens that no one else knows.

**“I wanted everyone to be safe. Even Arh’wen. That little miss, she doesn’t even know what’s out there, and there she was traveling to who knows where. I do trust you, Solas and in return I hope someday you can fully trust me and this Inquisition. Maybe someday you’ll seek help and maybe just maybe I can help. And I wish happiness to both of you. Someday, somewhere in this world, you both will find your own happiness.”** I looked at him and saw very sincere eyes.

**“Thank you.”** I said. Trying to compose myself again.

**“With that out of the way, in this message of hers I was told she was in the fade. Physically.”** I looked over the window and sighed heavily.

**“Unfortunately, yes. Even she didn’t know what happened. She told me a spirit helped her navigate the fade and fade rejects her existence. That the fade was killing her slowly.”** I waited for him to have any reaction, but he was just silent waiting for me to continue. **“Then I stumbled upon her, blood trickling on her nose and was down to her knees. At first, I thought it was a demon playing tricks on me, but her smell was there?”**

**“Smell? You sniffed her? That was…”** I squinted my eyes to him. **“Continue, please.”** He said.

**“The fade usually reflects what you are thinking, but not all. Scents shouldn’t be present in the fade. And that’s when I knew she was there physically. I tried to help her. Supplied her with enough mana so she can will herself out of that place. It almost took everything of me, but for her…I rather see her smiling from far away, away from me, than witness her dying in my arms.”** I turned around to Maxwell and smiled a little to him.

**“Thank you. In her message, she kept on defending you. Saying it was never your fault and she pushed too hard, uhmm…did she pushed too hard? I mean that was kind of personal?”** I chuckled.

**“She’s always like that. Getting all the blame. She never pushed too hard. I willingly accepted the push, but I can’t fully accept her.”**

**“Okay. Got it. You two are so selfless. Blaming yourselves of the fault that was never made by either of you.” He sighed and walked towards the table and placed some pins on the map. “You both were each other’s fools. You know, she said that. You’re her fool. And I told her that letting her go will be the greatest mistake you’ll ever make.”**

**“I have done several mistakes already, and that one mistake I’ll never forget. It tore my soul to see her cry like that, but I have my reasons to push her away. I know this will be hard. Not me telling you my secrets but there’ll be a time that you’ll be wishing not knowing them.”** I walked towards the exit of the room because I might spill my secrets to this human. He had earned my trust twice over already.

**“Thank you for telling me this, Solas. I know it’s hard for you to tell your emotions. And at least now I know that both of you were in love with each other and just can’t be together.”**

**“Yes. To put it simply, that was it. Thank you for hearing me out, Maxwell. I’ll see you when I have discovered something about the incident with Arh’wen. And, if you could…”** I never finished my sentence when he stopped me and opened the door to let me pass.

**“Yes, I will update you as soon as I receive word from her.” **I nodded to him and we walked out the war room and went our separate ways at the great hall.

Finding myself exhausted with the talk with Maxwell about Arh’wen, I entered my chambers and decided to meditate. In a moment I am in the fade and was welcomed with Wisdom’s presence.

**“It’s good to see you again, Lethallan.”** Wisdom greeted me immediately.

**“How have you been, my friend?”**

**“The fade was in turmoil. Spirits and demons were uneasy when a being appeared here physically months ago.”** I looked at her and noticed that spirits were truly in disarray and a lot of demons were outside his fade space.

**“What happened?”** I don’t really want to speculate things but if it was the incident with Arh’wen then it’s a different case.

**“Is that her name?”** I’m speechless and Creators, it was really Arh’wen.

**“You seem in distraught, Solas.”** She touched my shoulders easing some tension in me. Whenever it was about Arh’wen, I always feel this kind of urgency. That something will happen to her without me knowing.

**“I’m sorry. It’s been a trying day…and” **

**“Your heart is in turmoil much like the fade right now. And it seems you found someone to protect and cherish with your life.”**

**“As ill-considered as it is, I do have but I have to let her go.”** I turned my back to her and started walking around my fade space.

**“Does she know who you are?”** Wisdom walked beside me, while playing with wisps gathered around her.

**“No.”**

**“Why not tell her? You’ve been suffering all this time and it’s best to share it with someone. Much more with someone you love.”**

**“No. I can’t drag her into this. It will kill me seeing her die with what I’ll do with this world. It’s best to not involve myself with her.”**

**“Are you convincing me or is it yourself, Wolf? You already caught her scent and being without her was the same with her dying.”** I couldn’t reply to that because that was the truth. She held my face with her right palm and looked at me with very sad eyes. **“You were both suffering for the decision you’ve made for the both of you. You’ve taken her right to choose. I know this world was so much different from your world, however the people here still try to survive and endure.”** She let go of me and turned her back. She conjured a memory from when Arh’wen first met her. I looked at the image and felt my heart crushing. Aching for what she had suffered in the fade.

**“That woman called Arh’wen is on a time limit, Wolf.”**

**“What?”** I was clearly on distraught with that statement. **“What do you mean by that?”**

**“It is what I meant. And will you calm down, my friend. Your emotions reflect the fade**.” I took a deep breath and collected myself.

**“What are you talking about, Wisdom? Is this the same woman we are talking about? And what time limit? Is she in danger?” **

**“Yes, and yes. And I’m afraid she’s been in danger ever since she stumbled to Thedas.”**

**“Stumbled to Thedas?”**

**“I apologize I can’t elaborate more. She holds a great deal of secrets and burdens just like you. When I first encountered her here, I was surprised that a mortal with no magical abilities can travel through the fade physically. I showed her how to get out of this place but was just transferred to another place in the fade. During her short time here, a lot of spirits and demons were drawn to her like moth. Much like the one who possesses your power. It’s like beacon. I don’t know why they acted like that. Spirits were happy and demons turned back to their original purpose just by hovering her aura. To my understanding, she was life itself. But I can’t study her more since she’s dying that time.”**

It was a lot to process. The information that Wisdom gave me. Life itself? What does it even mean? I know creation magic but life? That I never heard of. If my assumptions were correct that means, she’s not from Thedas. She must be from another world brought by my magic. Another mistake. Why do I fail so much with everything I hold dear?

**“It’s not your mistake, Wolf.”** As if reading my mind, she looked at me. **“You have done enough chastising for a lifetime. You have doubts and a lot of questions of who she is. She was greater than you thought she was. She’s more.”** We were interrupted when a spirit just appeared out of nowhere.

**“Hurting. What would he feel if I told him? Selfless. I would rather sacrifice for him everything even my life just to see him happy.”**

**“Compassion, what brought you here?”** Wisdom asked.

**“She is loud. Her thoughts cross even the fade and the void. She thought of ways to prevent destruction. She helped a tree live again.”** Compassion showed the memory of the tree. If I remember it correctly it was in an alienage in Denerim. I stumbled upon it during my travels after I just woke up from Uthenera.

**“She sings of love. Hurt. Hope. She brings light amid this darkness.”** Inspiration added.

**“We can safely play with children now with her around.”** That was Curiosity.

**“We protect her as much as she protects us. We are safe and sound. No one will hurt us again.”** Protection added. Wisdom smiled. I smiled to the thought that Arh’wen did those things. But how?

**“To gather such rare spirits, she is indeed a unique existence.”** Wisdom does not compliment often and with that sentence I knew that Arh’wen was far greater than the Evanuris. Much like a Goddess. I must know more.

**“Lethallan, when I met this woman, her presence can be compared to a long-lost Goddess. Forgotten in time. Your domain clearly rejects her physical body. That only means the fade itself, wanted her gone for the fear to be destroyed. This very plane was afraid of what she’ll do.”**

**“I don’t even know what to come up with this. I don’t even know her. She must be from another world. Her sudden appearance in Haven was most surprising. Even my agents haven’t heard anything about her at all.”** I’m frustrated. Angry. To myself. To Arh’wen. I don’t even know where she’s from.

**“You are angry, Solas. Even you have secrets. You can’t blame her for having her own secrets. Why would she divulge those to you? Unless with heavy reasons.”** I thought about what will happen if she really told me of her secrets. I might have killed her for the reason of being a threat to my plan. My thoughts were interrupted when a familiar presence suddenly appeared before me.

**“Mythal.”**

**“Dread Wolf.”** She greeted me.

**“What is the purpose of this sudden visit?”** Her visit was never without purpose.

**“I can feel the fade in turmoil. And is it wrong to know just know how you were doing?”** She looked around and was surprised with a lot of spirits in that area.

**“What are they doing here? Wisdom, it’s great to see you again.”**

**“Mythal, it’s been a while.”** I watched the two exchanged pleasantries.

**“Compassion? Inspiration? Curiosity? Protection? What brought you here?”** she asked.

**“She likes singing. Her songs bring hope to the people.”** Inspiration supplied.

**“She wanted to help. To heal old wounds. Love and loyalty are with her. No. I don’t want her to die.”** With that, Compassion suddenly disappeared. DIE?

Mythal looked calm as if she knew what they were talking about. If it’s really Arh’wen, I really needed to see her. Talk to her. I can’t lose her now. Not ever. So much complications ever since she appeared. I must change my plans. I’m afraid that if I went through this path, everything that I worked for will be for naught. I don’t understand myself anymore. How can she affect my decisions so much?

**“She’s love and loyalty. It’s her nature to be loved and be loyal to whomever she promised her heart and soul. She came to believe that her mere existence here was a mistake. That it will doom whoever or whatever her nature touches. Take my advice, my friend. You must let her in, as much as you wanted her not involved with your plan, she had done otherwise. Let go of your guilt. Or you will lose the only existence that only saw you as yourself. Not Fen’harel. That very same existence brought peace to this world once upon a time.”** I didn’t have the chance to reply to her when she just disappeared. I thought hard. Raking my brain with possible answers to Arh’wen’s whole being. Possibilities that could change even my plans with the veil. Possibilities with a life with her by my side.

**“Stop thinking so much, Dread Wolf.”** I turned around and found Mythal looking at me. I have already forgotten she was there in the first place.

**“And what do you believe I should do? Just let our people die. Let everything in this world as** **is?”** I stared at her angrily.

**“I’m not your enemy, Dread wolf. I do understand where you’re coming from. I have lived and witnessed our people diminish slowly. But have you ever thought how will your plan affect this current world? You don’t have to bear this alone. You could have great allies, but you push them away.”** She turned her back to me and take a few steps away from me.

**“She was right. Even she can’t change whatever you have decided, and it seems...”** she peeked through her shoulders. **“You have decided for her too. I will not blame you for your plan but this I say to you, from a friend.”** Facing me fully and showing me my memories of Arh’wen after the rejection I gave her.

**“How?”**

**“You don’t have to know the details. As wisdom said, you will lose the very existence in this world with your pride. Very fitting but despite all your mistakes, she’s still loyal to you.”**

**“You must know I very much wanted her to be with me, but with my plan, I don’t want her see me of what I will become.”**

**“Oh believe. Dread wolf. She had seen enough.”** And before I throw her another question, she stopped me with her fingers on my lips.

**“And I have said enough. That will be all for now, Dread wolf. Goodbye and wake up.”**

To my frustration, I suddenly got up from my bed and paced. Too many complications. Arh’wen and Mythal.

What does Mythal even mean? She’s as cryptic as ever. She met Arh’wen, that’s a fact. I tried thinking of every reason to heed Mythal and Wisdom’s words, but I always got stuck to the possibility that even after my plans Arh’wen will be gone. She’s a mortal unlike him. Or is she? With the chances of her dying, I just can’t. Holding the necklace on my chest and feeling its warmth against my palm, I decided to go to the rotunda. I looked around the paintings on the wall. Every panel depicts the victory of Maxwell and to my surprise, without me noticing I have added a woman figure with the wolf in each of them. I smiled to myself. Why does she keep on changing my perspective of things?

Thinking on what Wisdom said, Love and Loyalty. Yes. That is her. She was easily loved because of her cheerful personality and kind nature. Loyal to her friends that she’ll even resort to lying sometimes. I was even relieved when Maxwell cleared his relationship to Arh’wen. That he already treated her as a little sister.

I went to my table and sat in my highchair. I reached for my sketch book and browsed it. There I found a portrait of her sitting on a boulder. I remember that time she was singing to the birds and trees. I have admitted so many things before, but this Love was so hard. I have said it in my mind a million times already, but saying it was a different matter. I knew how to please a woman but loving someone, she will be the first. It will be my first. And as she has written to her message, I will be her first and last. And so is she to me.

And for the first time after I woke from Uthenera, I felt refreshed and before I know it, I was already dreaming of her in my arms.

**Author's Note:**

> the song was inspired by this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awN4ewBvvks
> 
> to help you imagine how Arwen dances on the ice, it was based on this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeL7LN5Zy3s
> 
> ctto: https://cdna.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/012/008/098/large/ann-ann-andraste.jpg
> 
> Comments are very welcome and thank you for taking the time reading this.


End file.
